Broken Hearted

What do you do to recover from a broken heart? For me, I focus on me and work on what I'm successful at since relationships I am clearly not successful at. So my latest solution for a broken heart is a new hustle.

That's right, by day I'm working at a magazine and by night I'm working my regular job. I don't have time and I'm far too busy to be lonely or broken hearted. I know y'all are going to tell me that this is probably not the best way to handle the situation and I'm probably going to burn out but it's in my genes.

I was talking to my mom about it and she said I'm just like my dad in that when the going gets tough you work harder and find new avenues to release your energy. That's exactly what my dad would do.

And don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Trinidad Brotha. I'm glad that he has realized his true feelings before things between us went any further. But at the same time, I'm human. I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt...I still miss him...even if in my mind I know it's for the best my heart still yearns to love and to be loved.

I know God is working on me and he ain't done yet. My day of not always being the sacrificial lamb will come...I still have hope...I still believe that God has a divine plan for me.

So for now I'm excited about the new job opportunity. I have never worked at a magazine before so I'll get a chance to see what that is like and gain some experience and also do something I don't do every day in my regular job. I'm also contemplating going back to graduate school and pursing a master's degree online. But that's another topic for another entry.

F.I.L.A.

Forever I Love Atlanta! I'm a FILA all day, every day. I love Atlanta and I don't think I will ever truly be a New Yorker cause my heart is in the ATL.

I'm so excited about seeing the movie. I'm going to be sure to support the film on opening weekend. And I'm not really a T.I. fan but I was so tempted to buy the CD.

When I went down to Atlanta last week I hated to have to leave. I was so excited to get home, cause home is where your heart is, that I made it down there in 12 hours, 30 minutes...no stopping except to get gas. I was beasting the highway. Back in college my friends would call me Richard Petty, Road Warrior, Trooper, Knight Rider, etc. When I'm driven my professional driving skills come out of hibernation.

Two things I had to get when I got down there...some chicken from Harold's and a frosty from Wendy's. You just don't know how hard it is to find a Wendy's up here. And I was so saddened to find out that MY WENDY'S (the one I always went to buy the crib) had closed down. Not like there aren't 5 Wendy's between my house and my old job but that was MY WENDY'S. So I had to pour a little frosty out in honor of the dearly departed.

Surprisingly I didn't make it to Dave & Busters. I didn't even make it to that side of town. But that's aight because when the D&B on 43rd Street opens I will most definitely be a regular.

Unfortunately these trips to ATL have been mainly for business purposes. Although I don't think my friends realize how much I enjoyed our emergency happy hour because I was in town and to watch 24 and TIVO'ed episodes. It felt like I never left. I'll be back this weekend, short business trip again but after this I promise the next visit will be for pleasure.

I would like to fit a visit to the piercing shop and Inserection before I roll out again. I really want my eyebrow re-pierced and possibly my tongue. If I can feasible figure out a way to work and not talk I'll get my tongue done. And the Inserection visit is because I think I'm finally ready to break down and buy some toys...on the real. Cause coming home every night to my DVD's and an adult beverage is just not having the effect it used to have. Might be time to upgrade my leisurely activities. But if I don't get a chance to get the stuff on this trip I'll have Mz.B make a run for me before she comes up for her visit ;) That will be one butterfly and one rabbit, please...and get the crew to put $5 on it.

That Just Ain't Me

One thing I could never understand was women who let men buy them things...a lot of things...expensive things. That just ain't me.

My feeling is that I don't want to owe no man nothing. I am an independent, financially stable woman that don't need a man to pay for my hair to get done, my nails did, etc. A movie, dinner, date associated activities okay.

But somehow I always date guys that I NEVER try to use for their money but immediately following me they will get with gold diggers that try to take them for their loot. No they don't look like the typical gold diggers but let's look at the logic. Why does a grown ass woman need you to pay for her plane ticket to come and see you? If she really wanted to see you and times were hard she would at least OFFER to pay for half even if you paid for it all. What happened to women offering to pay the tab or at least pay the tip.

I have two exceptions to my own rules. On one occasion when I let a guy pay for a trip. He knew it was a booty trip, I knew it was a booty trip...it was booty, booty, booty, booty, booty rocking everywhere. And the other is my one that got away. I know his financial situation and he means enough to me that I will buy a plane ticket, within a reasonable price bracket, in order to see him because we always have a good time together.

But even when Hurricane would pay for plane tickets for us to visit his family in NOLA or something like that I would pay him back in my own way. Do the laundry, tidy up his apartment, bring home something to eat...I did something...I did my part... whatever it was.

Guys please, open your eyes...do not let these gold digging women take advantage of you. They fugg it up for woman like me who don't want nothing from you but you...meaning 100% of you at your best...your love...your attention...your dedication and devotion...and those things have no monetary value.

Twenty Years

As I was driving down to Atlanta I had a lot of time to think. And one thing I remembered was Sunday was the 20th anniversary of my father's funeral. TWENTY YEARS...I can't even believe that much time has passed. So much has happened in 20 years.

I think the saddest thing for me is that in 20 years I have not found anyone to love me as much if not more than my daddy. It's just one unsuccessful situation to the next. But as tough as dating and relationships have been I still remain hopeful. God has someone out there for me.

Weekend Recap

I actually had a pretty good weekend. It turned out to be way better than I expected it to be.

Friday night I got an email from a friend/former co-worker. He was in town on assignment and wanted to hang out. I was surprised T.B. was kind enough to give him my email address. I really did appreciate that.

After work I met him at a hotel near his to hang out and then we went back to his hotel and talked for hours. It was great. We talked about Atlanta, sports, the future of journalism, etc. We talked so long we didn't even realize how late it was.

He had a rental car so he was kind enough to give me a ride back to my place. As I was getting out the car some guy opens the back passenger door, looks in and then says my bad. We crack up laughing because we seriously thought dude was about to jack us right in front of my building.

Saturday afternoon we met up for a movie...V for Vendetta...and then got something to eat at TGI Fridays before I headed to work.

Saturday night I went home and slept. I was still tired from staying up so late the night before. Actually my body is just tired...mentally, emotionally, physically tired.

Sunday I took my niece to her first Nets game and the Nets blew out the Mavericks so it wasn't as good of a game as I hoped. But at least I got to meet some UNC black alum. It was a black alumni chapter event. Unfortunately the Tar Heels loss...but we can't win them all. I'm still really proud of the team for making it this far. They were a team of freshman and personally the highlight of the season was when we beat Duke at Duke.

After the game I took my niece home and picked up my mom to bring her to my place. She came and spent the night with me. She really helped to get the majority of my unpacking done.

When I took my mom home on Monday I picked up my nephew and brought him back to my apt. He helped me to do some measuring for blinds and for shelves for my closets. And he helped me do some electrical stuff like set up my DVD players and put together some lamps. We watched a movie together and that was cool cause my nephew and I have not chilled or hung out together in years...not really since we were kids. He said he'll help me with more stuff in the coming weeks.

So it wasn't the most eventful weekend but I still really enjoyed it. Just spending time with my family and then getting a surprise visit from my friend.

Next weekend one of my friends from college will be in town for the weekend so we'll probably do lunch on Friday before I go to work. And then Saturday when I get off of work I'm headed to ATL. Unfortunately this won't be a pleasure trip. I'm going to take care of some business pertaining to my house and my car. And I need to get my stuff out of the honey comb hideout as both my sisters are relocating. But I'm still looking forward to the trip.

Road trips always help me to clear my mind and to get things in perspective. It's just me, the car, the highway and my CD's. To be alone with my own thoughts...not sure if that will be a good thing or a bad thing...but I'll be sure to have my paper and pad ready.

Ultimate Hustler

I met the Ultimate Hustler yesterday. His hustle(s) are so tight that Damon Dash should have had him on his show.

First off it's like this dude doesn't even exist. He claims to have boxed as an amateur and he goes by several alias. I was not able to find anything on this man. Nothing at all under any of the pseudo names he gave me. But I'm not too concerned cause I'm not trying to really be that tight with this guy. Just another interesting person you can run in to in NYC.

So over a fish sandwich and some tea he explained to me how he turned a DVD hustle in to his ultimate empire. I was actually amazed that he was able to turn a slightly illegal hustle (it's not like he's selling drugs) in to some legitimate businesses like a barbershop, a small restaurant and a few properties. He has his DVD hustle, ladies handbag hustle, etc., etc....not trying to give away all the man's secrets. In a way, he is a business man.

But he got me thinking...cause all black people have a hustle. This J-O-B is my legal, taxable hustle but I damn sure wouldn't mind having a hustle on the side to make some of that tax free money that could go straight towards paying down some debts...but there I go being way too money conscious again.

Shout out to all the hustlers striving and surviving...you got your hustle and I have mine.

Harlem U.S.A.

I got my keys and I have officially started moving in to my apartment. I'm now living in Harlem U.S.A. and trust me there is no place anywhere like it.

My furniture doesn't come until Wednesday or Thursday but I don't care. I will be sleeping on the floor tonight with my pillow and blanket. I've already paid the rent so why not sleep where my money has been spent.

For my first full day in Harlem I'm going to do a little unpacking, see the Dave Chapelle movie at the Magic Johnson theater on 125th street and then later hit a spot on the east side with some of my friends before catching Desperate Housewives.

So look at your calendars and start picking some dates to visit. I have Mocha Angel and Velvet Sting down for May 4-8. Rekkidbraka needs to look at a Yankees schedule so we can pick a date to catch a game. Who else trying to make their way up to the big city for a visit?

Money Matters

Do you ever think you are too concious about money?

I think I have become more money concious than usual. I have excellent credit. If I wanted to buy another house or a new car today I could with no problem.

I have been trying to pay off stuff since I graduated college and even though NYC is expensive as hell, I think I'm finally in a position to do that.

I paid off my Capital One card to be able to transfer the balance of my MBNA credit card. I transferred my MBNA loan to my Discover card. And I changed one of my Wells Fargo loans in to a cash on demand card so I could get a lower interest rate. I just want to have less bills so I can pay more to each account. I eventually want to close the MBNA accounts but given my debt to credit ratio I need to keep them open at least until I pay more on my other existing accounts.

Don't ask me what has kicked me in to high gear on paying stuff off but every dime of overtime I earn I try to figure out what to put that extra money towards. I'm tired of being in so much debt. I realize it is unrealistic to not be in at debt at all but I would love to get to a point where my only debts were my student loan and my house...and those are good debts. But all the other stuff I want to be rid of.

Anyone else feel me on pushing yourself to rid yourself of debt?

Over Before It Started

Question: Will the five weeks hurt us or help us?

Answer: It hurt us. It was just too soon in our budding dating situation for us to be apart for that long.

I hate to write this entry because I don't want to admit it's true. But Trinidad Brotha and I will not be getting in to a relationship beyond friendship. It's hard because there are a lot of feelings on both sides but we have our issues as well. It's probably better to just stop things now before we get in too deep.

I felt I had to do this post because there is no point in pretending that him and I are moving towards a relationship when we are not. He is still a great guy. I still love him a lot. But I guess this is for the best. It's better to know now that we aren't right for each other than to get in a serious situation and get caught up in emotional attachment and time vested.

Maybe in the future we can try again but I'm not holding out for the future. At this point in my life I just feel foolish to hope cause hoping only makes it harder to move forward.

Birthday Recap

The day started with birthday greetings by email, IM, phone calls, text messages and blog posts. I can definitely say I was feeling the love on my born day.

But it really was an uneventful day and that suits me fine too. I'm just thankful to God to see another year and I really can't ask for more because he blesses me everyday.

I joined the Latin Dance Club at my job and the first lesson was today. So every Wednesday at 1pm I will be getting my dance on. I then went to the main NYTimes office in search of my birthday present from Trinidad Brotha. He got me a video iPod which was the #1 present on my birthday wish list. Well #1 next to having him here with me. He is the best boyfriend I never had and I can't wait for him to get home so we can make things official.

I then treated myself to an late lunch/early dinner before work. I had mentioned to someone that if I was in ATL I would have gone to happy hour at D&B and then for dinner at one of my favorite spots Loca Luna or I would have had drinks and dinner at Houstons (3 martinis for $7). So I got on city search and I found some place I could get paella and it was only a few subway stops away.

Now I'm one of those people that HATES to go out to eat by myself. I just feel lonely and uncomfortable. But I said what the hell, it's my day, can't wait around for others to celebrate me and I'm old and old people go out to eat by themselves. The place was nice and I definitely have to go back. I enjoyed my meal as I tried to make my way through this week's issue of Entertainment Weekly. Of course they gave me more food than I could actually eat so I brought a doggie bag to work.

When I get off of work I will go back to Trinidad Brotha's apt, take a nice hot shower, get in my PJ's, curl up on his couch and watch a movie as I enjoy a slice of Carvel Ice Cream cake.

Happy Birthday to me.

P.s - I'm still accepting gifts off of my wish list :)