The Gift That Keeps On Giving

I don't watch Saturday Night Live but I have to admit this is funny and TRUE. Can I have one of these for every special occassion? Christmas, Birthday...hell, can I have this for no real reason at all except that I want it?

Video (or if you can't see it...the You Tube link http://www.youtube.com/v/yd3i4gA_QJY)

Lyrics to "Special Christmas Box" (so you can sing along)

Hey Girl, I got something real important to give you
So just sit down and listen

Girl you know we’ve been together such a long. long time
(such a long time)
And now I’m ready to lay it on the line

Well, you know it’s Christmas and my heart is open wide
Gonna give you something so you know what’s on my mind
(what’s on my mind)

A gift real special so take off the top
Take a look inside, it’s my dick in a box
(it’s in the box)

Not gonna get you a diamond ring
That sort of gift don’t mean anything
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl you gotta know you’re my shining star

Not gonna get you a house in the hills
A girl like you needs something real
I want to get you something from the heart
(something special girl)

(Chorus)
It’s my dick in a box
My dick in a box, girl
It’s my dick in a box
My dick in a box, girl

See I’m wise enough to know
When a gift needs giving
And I got just the one
Something to show you that you are second to none

To all the fellas out there
With ladies to impress
It’s easy to do just follow these steps
1. Cut a hole in a box
2. Put your junk in that box
3. Make her open the box
And that’s the way you do it.

(Chorus)
It’s my dick in a box
My dick in a box, girl
It’s my dick in a box
My dick in a box, girl

Christmas
Dick in a box
Chanukah
Dick in a box
Kwanzaa
A dick in a box
Every single holiday a dick in a box

Over at your parents house a dick in a box
Mid day at the grocery store a dick in a box
Backstage at the CMA's a dick in a box

The uncensored video courtesy of NBC

Goals for 2007

It's that time of year again when we reflect on the past year and hope the new year will be an even better year. I'm not in to making new year's resolutions that are so far fetched that I have a better chance of winning the lottery than achieving my resolutions. But I'm all about setting goals for yourself and working towards attaining those. Resolution, goal, whatever you call it, I always try to make sure it is something that is within my reach. So as always I'm keeping them short, simple and to the point.

1. Pay off some credit cards
This is on my list every year and in 2006 I didn't do too bad. I paid off some of those store charge cards. Now it's time to hit some of those major credit cards.

2. Get back in shape
Notice I said get back in shape and not lose weight. There is a difference. I think people focus on the wrong thing when the focus is on just the weight. Having the surgeries and not being able to dance I don't feel like myself. So I want to get back in to taking dance classes, particularly salsa. If I lose weight in the process, great, but I'm not worried about my weight.

3. Keep on cooking
I am ending this year on a bit of a cooking kick and I hope to expand upon that. I have no confidence in my cooking. I think it's okay enough for me to eat and not starve but not palettable enough to be shared. Aristocrates has unwillingly been my guinea pig. He says the food I have made tastes fine and he hasn't gotten sick off of anything I have made...yet. And he would never miss out on the chance to use my bad cooking as a joke, so since he hasn't picked on my cooking I guess he's telling the truth when he says it's fine. If anyone knows of any simple cookbooks and a list of things all cooks should have (like spices to always have, etc.) I'm open to suggestions.

And there you have it...my goals for 2007.

What are your goals for the new year? What are some things you would like to accomplish in the first 3 months, 6 months and by the end of 2007?

Movie Critic

I haven't blogged in awhile. Can't say much has really been happening. But I have just seen two movies this week that have me compelled to blog.

First, if you are looking to rent a DVD I IMPLORE you to rent "American Blackout." Now this one you might have a hard time finding at your neighborhood Blockbuster but Netflix and Blockbuster online both have it. It's a documentary that follows the effors of Georgia Congresswoman Cynthia McKinniey to expose the disenfranchisement of black voters going back to the 2000 election. I'm not the most political person. I don't have any hard, fast political agendas. But wrong is wrong and what our country does to people who try to expose truth will have you thinking we are back in the days of the Jim Crow south.

Next, if you are looking for a movie to see with the family on X-mas day I strongly suggest you buy your tickets in advance to see "Dreamgirls." I know it's one of the most commercially hyped movies right now and every show on X-mas day is going to be sold out but take my word for it, it is worth the watch. I don't think Beyonce deserved the Golden Globe nomination that she received but Jennifer Hudson will blow you away. If you walk out of the movie with your eyes not even a little bit teary, something is the hell wrong with you.

And that's all for now from the movieaholic. I hopefully will post again before X-mas day but if I don't get a chance to Happy Holidays to you and yours and as always I thank you for your love and your support through the years as you follow me on my many misadventures through this journey called life.

2007 Shopping List

Most people post Christmas wish lists but given that I don't expect anyone to buy me -ish. It is a wish list of things I will end up buying for myself some time in the new year. Of course I always ask for the same "fantasy" thing every year...a sexy black man with just a santa hat on his head and red bow around his neck to be under my tree X-mas morning. One of these years Santa is going to grant my wish.

But here's my real list:

- Canon Power Shot Digital Camera
It's about time I stop avoiding the camera and capture the moments of my life. I've had some great ones.

- Fry Daddy
This was suggested to me since I'm prone to burning myself yet I want to be able to fry some chicken.

- Watch
If I don't have my cell phone I never know what time it is. Adults wear watches and don't just rely on their cell phones. It's time I join the adult ranks.

- Earrings
I'm like a little kid with earrings. I'm so prone to losing them. So I need at least 2 pair since I lost my last set between surgeries.

- Printer/Scanner/Copier/Fax
I had asked a certain person for this for MONTHS and he has yet to come through so back on the list it goes.

- Sex and the City: The Complete Series (Collector's Giftset)
The same person I asked for the printer/scanner/copier/fax I had asked a few years back for this and he didn't get me that either. You would think I would learn my lesson and stop asking him. Back on the list this goes.

- Sex and the City Essentials
There are 4 of them and this is the low grade cheaper gift with the best of romance, lust, mr. big and breakups.

- Wine/Wine Glasses/Wine Opener
I'm very picky about wines but I have found a few that I like so I need the wine, appropriate wine glasses and a nice, easy to use wine opener. The ones I like are actually fairly cheap too. Wines of choice are: Rosa Regale, Vietti Cascinetta Moscato d'Asti 2004, and 2005 Moscato Allegro.

- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Book 6)
As much as I love Harry Potter I never bought or read this book although I partially know what happens in the book.

- Victoria's Secret gift card
Want to complete my garden collection and would be nice to by a new panty set...I always feel so sexy in my Vicky's.

- Good Life Woman Gift Set by Davidoff for Woman
This perfume is made by the same company that makes Cool Water. It's the only perfume I have found that is light and doesn't make me have an allergic reaction.

- FOOD
Someone please take me out to dinner...McCormick and Schmick, Cheesecake Factory, Red Lobster, Olive Garden...SOMETHING...or even better you can cook for me...I'll eat almost anything.

- TIVO with recordable DVR
I'm not even sure if a TIVO with a recordable DVR exists but if it does I want it...it's about time I start saving some of the shows I'm missing. There is just so much good TV I can't watch it all.

The Long Road to Recovery

I would like to say I'm 50% recovered but it's probably more like 33%.

I am now in rehab for both of my feet. I go to physical therapy twice a week. I also do ultrasound therapy at home once or twice a day. On one foot I'm back in a sneaker BUT it's a size 9 1/2...2 sizes bigger than normal. I wear special socks every day to help with the swelling and circulation so my doctor promises that I will be back in my 7 1/2 shoes.

I'm not really in pain it's just a feeling of discomfort. It always feels like someone is squeezing my feet and won't let go. I do have some pain in my ankles because I walk with my feet turned out to avoid walking on the parts of my feet that have been operated on, mainly the pinky toes. Walking is a real challenge. I have to think about every single step I take from what kind of surface I'm stepping on to how I position my feet, etc.

To my shock and dismay I have to have one more surgery on December 29 to remove the pins from my feet. I told my doctor thank you for ruining my New Year's Eve. He said I'll be fine and I won't even need stitches...whatever. So there goes my goal of being able to wear shoes and look cute on NYE.

I need someone to remind me why I did this and why all that I'm enduring is worth it.