Hate is such a strong word. There are few people that I can truly say I hate. I most definitely hate Hurricane. No doubt about that one in my mind. What that man did to me is unforgivable. But there is another person I hate to admit that I hate...but I do. He is my flesh and blood but the things this man does and says I just cannot accept. So I'm putting it out here. I hate my brother Mark.
No mother ever wants to have to choose between her children...no sister ever wants to have to choose between her brother and her neice. But my brother is a grown ass man who has made the decisions that have caused his life to be as it is. But my neice is still a child who unfortunately her present and her future are influenced by my brother. So I choose her and I will choose her every time because anything is possible for her future.
My brother has destroyed my neice to the point that she has no drive to live...she has no ambition...she is sad and depressed. And what hurts me most is there is nothing I can do about it. I have tried...others have tried. I just pray...a lot...and hope that when she turns 18 she'll go out to Ohio for awhile to be with her mom and siblings that my brother has kept her away from for all these years and then she'll come to her Auntie...me...and we'll make things right.
So what compelled me to write this post you might ask. I spoke to my neice the other day and she said she really wanted to see my home in Atlanta before I moved back north and asked if I would ask her father if she could come visit me for X-mas. Well I haven't spoken to my brother since April of this year because he is the biggest asshole on the planet and I just can't be involved with someone who hurts my neice mentally and emotionally as he has and still does. So since my mom was coming down here for X-mas I asked her to ask him. At first he said yes...notice I said at first...but as always he found some bullshit reason to say no. So while my mother was on the phone I screamed "I fucking hate you." And sadly those words are true. I don't feel bad for saying them...although I probably should...he is an evil man that hurts anyone that loves him and like his father will die alone regretting all that he did to the people in his life that cared about him.
I know...and everyone in my family...and all his friends know...that the day my neice leaves his home she will never come back. And I'm okay with that. Because there are others in my family that love her dearly and will do anything for her. I have always wanted my neice with me but I was never really at a point where I could have her with me. But one of the schools she is interested in is Georgia State.
So God...if you are listening to me...please protect my neice....give her the strength and wisdom to look beyond her present and plot out a prosperous and happy future for herself. God, if I'm supposed to stay in Atlanta...make it happen...and give me the strength and wisdom to help my neice. Guide her to wherever I may be and I promise to give her the love, attention and support she has never received from my brother. And God open my brothers eyes and mind and heart. Help him to realize that if your own children can't love you, how can anyone else? Help him to see the importance of family and the power of love. Lastly God...watch over my mother. I hate getting her caught in the middle of me and my brother. I know it hurts her how seperated me and my siblings have become. She always talks about wanting us to come together and before she dies...if that is your will Lord God then make it so. I know all it takes is the faith of a mustard seed but when it comes to my family truly coming together that is where I lose all faith. But Lord God you have led me this far and I may have struggled and hurt but you have never led me astray. So in you Lord God I put my trust and faith...in you Lord God I believe....so whatever is your will I will walk that path.
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2 comments:
I know that you resent what your brother has done - what he continues to do - to your family. He's a divisive force, intent on keeping you from being a united, whole group.
Don't let him do this. Don't fuel whatever strange need he has to make the rest of you unhappy. Don't engage. Most of all, don't hate him. I know it's hard and maybe he hates everyone else but don't hate him. Dislike him, dislike what he does, how he acts, whatever but don't allow yourself to hate. Hatred spreads through you like cancer and hardens you. In the end, it hurts you more than it hurts the person you hate.
Instead, choose to spend your time loving. Love your niece, your family, those who truly love you. Pray for your brother. Obviously, something is missing within him and perhaps, in time, he'll come around and realize that the only way to fill that empty space is through love, not hatred and spite.
Oh me of little faith in my brother...I need a dose of what you got rekkidbraka. I hope all is well with you and we have to get up soon for some hot beverages...and then again with our other coworker for adult beverages ;)
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