Dear God, it's me, Mystified

God and I have a good working relationship. There was a period where I turned my back on him but once I really got past the death of my father God and I were straight. Well lately God is throwing me some curve balls and I don't know what he wants for me anymore.

As y'all know I wasn't exactly thrilled with my former employer. At one point my job was great and a lot of fun. I had a great schedule and my life outside of work really balanced well with my daily grind. But I took a step in to management and kind of lost that balance.

As a "hazard" of my job I would listen to the 2 Live Stews every day on my way to work. Once you get used to the yelling it really is a good show. Big sister gorgeous one had the idea that maybe I should be the entertainment reporter for their show. So she got the ball rolling and I hesitantly submitted my information. I didn't hear anything back so I assumed that I wasn't cute enough and they had picked someone else. Well they FINALLY called in late October and I have been off and on kicking it with the Stews doing entertainment reports since then.

Around the same time I get a call from the New York Times and they offered me my dream job and a way out of my then current job. The Stews weren't really offering me anything concrete so as much as I would love to stay in Atlanta I said it was time for me to go. Ever since I said yes to the NYT God has been throwing me curve balls.

First, the Stews offer me a position. It doesn't pay enough to be my only job but it's a decent bit of chump change. So I try...and 790 the zone tries...to work out something with my then current employer. It was a no go and because blogs are public I will not go in to the details of that sordid mess. We had exhausted every option...or so I thought...so I was back to full throttle NYC.

On my last day of working for my old employer I get a call...it's the city of Sandy Springs. On December 5 I got an email on Atlbutterflies about job openings in Sandy Springs. On December 8 I sent them my resume. On December 14 they called for an interview. On December 22 I have an interview.

What does all of this mean? I'm trying to figure out what God is doing to me. I think maybe he presented the NYT offer because he knew I would never leave my old job without something solid lined up. But maybe his plan is not for me to leave Atlanta but to step out on faith and do something different.

I am a very decisive person and this entire situation is making me out to be this indecisive flake. And that's just not me. I have always done what was expected of me in terms of my career. NYT is the next logical step. Notice the word logic. Y'all know I'm part crazy and that crazy part of me questions my chosen career path.

I thought going to NYT was my dream...and in a way it still is. I always said that I would only go back north if I worked for the New York Times and that is now happening. BUT it's okay to have more than one dream and it's like radio is so refreshing to me. It is so much fun...I can't remember the last time I truly had fun doing a job. It's so much fun it doesn't feel like work. I never really considered radio before because I don't think I have a radio voice. I never considered TV before because I don't have the uniform TV look. I refuse to have to get permission to put some braids in my hair.

So I'm back to square one...or so it seems...I don't want to go but it didn't seem like I could stay. But if I get and take this job with Sandy Springs I may be committing journalism suicide. If I seriously turn down the NYT I may never be able to go back in to full time journalism. But if I was a manager I would want someone fully committed and excited about coming...not someone who is hesitant. A year from now I may not even be qualified to work at NYT given that I will have been out of the game.

I already know what I would say to them because y'all know I over analyze everything and come up with a plan A, B, C and D before A even has a chance to happen. I thank you for the opportunity and it has been an extremely difficult decision but I'm going to take some time off from journalism to try some other things. This is the only time in my life I'll be able to do something like this and I really want to explore some of my other interests.

My mom...I swear how she approaches things some times kills me...when y'all meet her y'all are not going to understand why I'm so loud and high strung when my momma ain't nothing like that. But I call my mom and say mom I have a job interview with the city of Sandy Springs. Her response...good...and. Y'all know her and the rest of my family are hung up on this house that none of them have ever seen. And they think I am absolutely, certifiable, institution qualified crazy for leaving my home and coming back up north. When I tell her how God is confusing me she says no one buys a house if they aren't serious about settling where they are. You have made Atlanta your home and I just can't see you leaving it.

I would say pray for me but it seems other people's prayers of me not leaving ATL have been working to make my present and future one big blur...so I won't say pray for me but you might mention to God that he needs to bluntly answer me because I have never been good at reading between the lines.