Video Vixen Sidelined

I love to dance. My mom could never afford for me to take formal lessons. But every now and then I would impress someone with my raw talent and get a scholarship here and there to take a few classes. But it was never enough to make me a professional dancer by any means.

But dancing for me has always been a way of dealing with what life throws at me. I like to hear a new song whose video has not come out yet and visualize/choreograph in my head what the dance would be. And I'm very good at picking up dance moves in videos. The ones I really like I study and practice in my living room.

I literally dance every single day...until now. The situation with my feet has sidelined the video vixen and I'm miserable. I can't flex my toes to be able to dance because the combination of flexing and pressure of supporting the bodies weight is too painful. So I'm miserable. What if I won't be able to dance the way I used to dance again. If I had known the true effects of the surgery on my feet I might have just chosen to live with the pain. So what that the thing I love to do, dancing, causes me so much pain because of my feet. Eventually the pain goes away and I can dance another day.

And I try...because I'm so stubborn...to dance anyway. But as I try to dance despite the pain tears just start streaming from my eyes down my face. If anyone was in my apartment with me they could see the battle between what my heart wants to do and what my body will allow me to do. I have physical therapy again today so I'm going to talk to my doctor...I want to know when will I be me again...when will I be the video vixen...when can I wear normal shoes...when can I flex my feet...cause this right now...it just ain't me and I'm miserable because of it.