Grounded

My one vice is travel. I travel more than the average person but less than the average business person. I average about one trip a month. But the airlines are determined to ground me.

One by one the airlines have been adding fees for checked luggage. I've never had a problem with them charging for 2 or more bags. But to charge me for my 1 bag that I have to check because of the liquids inside is just unfair. What I think sucks most about the baggage fee is that you have to pay both ways. So on top of the airline ticket you have to pay $30 plus just for your luggage.

The number of airlines that don't charge for checked bags was down to 3: Airtran, JetBlue and Southwest. Then the announcement came on Friday, my beloved Airtran would be charging for checked bags as well. What is a leisure traveler like myself supposed to do? Southwest does not fly out of NYC. So I'm not going to drive to Philly just to get a plane, I might as well pay the baggage fee. I like JetBlue but it doesn't fly every where I want to fly and it only flies out of JFK. I prefer to fly out of LGA, it's closer to my apt.

I'm not really sure how I'm going to deal with this change. On shorter trips it won't be a problem. I just came back from Atlanta and I carried on and kept my liquids to a minimum. But what will I do about longer trips? I have to go back to Atlanta in February and even though it will just be for a weekend I'm going to a wedding and I don't want the dress I'm wearing to be crushed in to a small carry on. I'm thinking about paying for the baggage fee one way and then just rolling the dress on the way back so I can carry it on. It won't matter that it's wrinkled for my trip home.

How are the fees for checked baggage affecting your travel? What, if anything, will you do differently when you have to fly?

Don't Take It Personnel

Before all my copy editor friends jump on me I used the word personnel instead of personal for a reason.

In my career I have always been fortunate to stay ahead of the curve...AND ahead of the cuts. When the Philadelphia Inquirer had a huge layoff that would have directly affected me if I was still working there, I was at the Atlanta Journal Constitution. When the AJC had several rounds of cuts I was already working in New York. I haven't based my career on moving on and moving up before the cuts come, it's always been coincidental.

Who hasn't been indirectly affected by layoffs? Every layoff has a domino effect even when the layoff wasn't at your place of employment. I've also been fortunate that I have never had to let any of my employees go or watch as co-workers I have grown close too, had to leave....until now.

I'm sure everyone has read the news reports about how Time Inc is cutting close to 600 people. For weeks it has been this state of anxiety. Who will stay...who will go...how will I be affected. We knew the cuts were coming and they were going to affect everyone. The cuts were going to hit at all levels and everyone would have to make sacrifices. Do more with less and still get it all done. I knew this. I expected this. I thought I even had prepared a plan to deal with this. Because this is the way of our professional culture. But knowing all this didn't make the cuts any less surprising.

Some that were cut were on my team. They worked directly with me and for me. It's a double edged reality. On one hand I am happy to still have my job. As I tell anyone that asks me, I love what I do. Every job has it's good or bad days but the position I have is perfect for my type-A personality (see I said it, for my friends who think I refuse to admit that I'm type-A). But on the other hand I hate to see anyone lose their job and ESPECIALLY anyone that is on my team. It's hard for me to think about them not being there. They helped me to transition when I switched publications.

The sad reality of today's layoffs is that it's not about performance. When your position is being eliminated it has little to do with how well you have done. Most companies do not have another position they can move you too. Sadly it is a numbers game and any of our numbers can be pulled.

So to anyone who has been laid off or might get laid off...Don't take it personal. It's not about people but personnel.

First Family Fascination

Is it me or have people not been this fascinated with/by a first family since the Kennedy's? The news outlets report on EVERYTHING about them.

I think the funniest report thus far has been the secret service names for the family. I don't know if white fraternities and sororities give members line names but BUT black greek organizations do. And the first families secret service names sound like line names.

Barack Obama = Renegade
Michelle Obama = Renaissance
Sasha Obama = Rosebud
Malia Obama = Radiance

Personally I think these will be Malia and Sasha's line names when they go to college. Daughters of the first black president and their Mom is an AKA...they need to just make them honorary AKA's, pass go and give them their letters NOW.

HNIC

I had a random thought. We always joke about who is the HNIC or being the HNIC and NOW we know who the HNIC is...Barack Obama. He is our nation's HNIC elected to be THE HNIC. Personally, I think I'm the HBIC and if you get on my bad side you will quickly find out what I mean.

For those of you who don't know what HNIC stands for I suggest:
1. Seeing the movie "Lean on Me"
2. Looking it up in the Urban Dictionary

For those of you who don't know what HBIC stands for I suggest:
1. Watching the first two seasons of "Flavor of Love"
2. Looking it up in the Urban Dictionary

Public Housing

I was in Atlanta this weekend. It was both a business trip and a pleasure trip. I went to check on my house...the one that I can't sell so I'm just trying to make sure it stays rented out. I also went to one of my closest friends 30th birthday party and then her bridal shower the next day. So I killed three birds with one stone.

When I lived in Atlanta I used to attend New Birth Missionary Baptist Church where Bishop Eddie Long is the Senior Pastor. I had an overwhelming desire to go to church no matter how late I was going to stay out the night before. So not only did I go to church but I went to early morning service (how I didn't fall asleep in service was a miracle in itself.)

Bishop Long said something very interesting in his sermon. He said Barack Obama and his family were about to move in to public housing hopefully for the next 8 years. Public housing...interesting term to apply to the White House BUT it is 100% true. It's just not what people typically think of when you say public housing.

Projects, PJ's, public housing, section 8, whatever you want to call it I grew up in public housing. There were kids in my neighborhood who thought I was only visiting family that lived there. They didn't believe I lived there because I was a ghetto nerd. I could hang out in the alley ways but I also spoke correct English. Yes, the fact that I used English more than slang meant to the other kids that I must not live there.

But just think if all the kids that are living/growing up in public housing thought of the White House as another type of public housing that they could aspire to live in. I think it could be a huge motivating factor.

Personally I am blown away by the thought that the house that slaves built is now going to be the home of a black president. Just proving once again that life is a circular cycle.

Tears of Joy

Not sure what's going on these days but I have been crying a lot lately. And it's not because I'm sad. It's because I'm happy...touched...moved...amazed...pick any positive adjective and it fits. Lately it doesn't take much for me to get all teary eyed. And no it's not hormones or PMS...I'm on the birth control shot and haven't had a visit from mother nature in quite some time.

I cried election night and several times throughout the rest of the week in relation to Obama winning. I cried when I read this article from the Washington Post about a former butler in the White House. You have to read it all the way to the end to see what touched my heart strings.

I got teary again when I was landing in Atlanta. I love Atlanta. It will always be my home away from home. I was just so happy knowing that I was going to see my friends and I was looking forward to spending the day with my best friend/sister and partying with my ATL friends.

Growing up I always thought crying was a sign of weakness. If I had to cry I would find some place to privately do it. Even at a very young age, 6, when my dad died I didn't want anyone to see me cry. So I locked myself in the bathroom and when my family wouldn't leave me alone, I ran in to a bedroom and crawled under the bed. My tears were my own.

Nowadays I've softened my stance on PDT (public display of tears). One of my girlfriends even posted a picture of me on Facebook from election night where I was both crying and smiling. So tears are okay and I prefer tears of joy to tears of sadness.

Dead Tree Sell Out

I can never, ever, ever remember a day where every single newspaper across the country SOLD OUT!!! At a time when newspapers are shrinking and magazines are following suit it was a refreshing reminder. When it comes to momentous occasions people want to have something in print to remember it. A website link is not as valuable when it comes to historical posterity.

I grew up with newspapers being a daily part of my life. My grandmother was an avid newspaper reader. Every day while eating breakfast before school my grandmother and I would read the newspaper. New York Daily News and The Record were the two papers we read every morning. When my sister came home from working in NYC she would bring a copy of the New York Times and New York Post. Newspapers was how we stayed informed and sparked many a conversation. I still read the newspaper everyday. I pick up AMNY and Metro every day and I read Washington Post and The New York Times online.

I could tell you how much I normally spend on newspapers a year. ZERO. But for this historic occasion I spent $.50 on the New York Daily News, $.50 on the New York Post, $16.20 on the New York Times (ordered it at nytstore.com), and $7.45 on USA Today (ordered it from usatoday.com). I'm still debating if I want to spend $59.95 for the Washington Post* (or just wait until I go to D.C. for the inauguration) and if I want to order the Chicago Tribune and Chicago Sun Times. Basically I spent more in one day on newspapers than I have spent in the last year. And subscriptions are cheap so if you add up what I spent that at least equals a weekend subscription to the New York Times.

But I, like most people in my generation, relies heavily on the Internet. I used to subscribe to newspapers but they would pile up and pile up and I never got around to reading them like I wanted too. The guilt of not having time to read the newspaper on a daily basis is one of the main reasons young people cite for not subscribing to the newspaper.

If I some day have children I want to be able to pull out the newspapers I have saved from major historic events. I think it would make my grandmother proud.

*I just found another area of The Washington Post.com that is selling copies of the paper for much cheaper. If you want the EXPENSIVE reprint of the page it's here

Back On The Blog

What would it take for me to return to the blogosphere...you guessed it. A BLACK PRESIDENT! But since the focus of my blog is dating and relationships I'm going to talk about the relationships with family and friends.

First, yesterday was personally historic for me. Three generations of my family voted yesterday. I wish I could have gotten a picture of my mother, brother and myself in line at the polls early in the morning. Or my niece in Ohio voting in her first election. (Thanks Ohio!) Or my niece in NJ, also voting in her first election. Or my uncle in Virginia (we did win Virginia right?) Or all my other family members who are spread across the east coast that represented at the polling booths. Is there some kind of cliche I can insert here about families that vote together? Like a family that votes together don't go broke together...or something like that. If not, oh well...it was still a historic day for me personally.

Next, I gotta give some love to all my friends. From my friends that were with me (Heights Crew) when the announcement happened and understood why I could not stop crying. To my best friend in Chicago who was texting me from the rally. To my friends in Atlanta who were also feeling blessed despite Georgia electorate going the other way. To my facebook friends, the status message updates just say it all. To ALL my journo friends who kept the inbox over flowing. To Poppa K who was emailing me and by far he is the biggest Obama supporter I personally know.

I have to thank my American family. That's right, my fellow Americans. You helped to make Martin Luther King Jr's dream a reality. A dream deferred is now a dream realized. This was his dream and I am alive to experience it.

Last but not least I have to thank my ancestors. There are just so many people who I wish were alive to see this. My great grandmother who never talked about her family and there was a complete disconnect because she married a black man. My great grandfather, a self-educated business man, who never got to meet his full potential because of racism. My grandmother who experienced so much racism as a child and was the first person to talk to me about politics. My father who always said and believed some day there will be a black president.

Even now just thinking about how far black people have come, how far America has come, its an overwhelming joy. From 9/11/01 to Barack Obama in 08, who could have imagined this.

The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough

I read this article and I was so irritated by what it said. It's basically an article saying if you want to be married and have a family, settle. SETTLE!?!?!?

Settling is bullshit. I don't expect perfection. I have very realistic expectations of what I want out of a spouse...a life mate. Ultimately all I want is to be loved by that person and I shouldn't have to settle for him liking me but not loving me or me liking him but not loving him.

I really do want someone who loves me....I want someone who I am #1 with...someone who 100% wants to be with me and I 100% want to be with him. I shouldn't have to settle for the guy that is interested in me even if I'm not really feeling him.

I realize 30 is around the corner and like one of my closest friends that is turning 30 this year I'm starting to accept that maybe I won't get married and have kids. But I'd rather be single than settling. I still have hope. I still believe there is someone out there for me. Is getting married by 30 looking likely, no...but I'm not going to settle and marry anyone just to be married by 30.

This article was a jolt to my system. It came at a time when I was questioning a situation I was in. I had no choice but to acknowledge that I was settling for a situation I wasn't really happy with rather than having nothing. I was settling for the more than friends but less than being the girlfriend he truly loved and was committed too scenario. I had to choose to love myself enough and not continue to be in that situation. It's not easy. It's extremely hard to love someone and put time and energy in to making something work. And then to have to accept defeat...that your best wasn't good enough and that you couldn't make the situation work for both people.

He once said we would probably be better off apart. I hope he's right. But even if he's wrong...I'm not settling for less than what I want or less than what I feel I deserve. I deserve to be someone's girlfriend, straight up, real title, full commitment...not the chick that you've been dating and everyone knows you are together but it ain't really official. I've been that chick one too many times in my life and I don't like being her. Ultimately I deserve to be someone's wife. I'm a tenderoni, around the way, homey, lover, friend, ride or die chick. And a man that can appreciate all aspects of that about me is out there.

Miscommunication

I think one of my biggest hinderances in dating, besides my hectic schedule, is the way in which I communicate. Funny thing for a journalist to be saying. But it's true. Just like you can be sexually incapatible you can be incompatible in the way you communicate.

I communicate best through IM, email and text messages. The last relationships as well as guys I have dated I got to know in those ways. It works for me because it allows me to multitask. So if a guy is the type that likes to talk for hours on end on the phone we are immediately incompatible. Time spent talking on the phone we could be on a date.

I'm just too busy and have too many things to do to spend a large amount of time yapping on a phone. But I can talk on IM for HOURS because I'm doing 30 other things while IMing.

When it cames to dating I'm my own worst enemy...from the way I communicate to how much time I have to devote to dating/getting to know someone to the standards/expectations I have. But I haven't given up hope...I'm a Pisces...we love to love...my Mr. Right is out there and we are just waiting to stumble upon each other.

NYC Lease Renewal

I just went through my first rent renewal process and I couldn't have done it without the help of friends. So before I even tell the story I want to thank Poppa K, Skizzle and German Girl.

First the back story. When I moved to NYC in January of 2006 I had challenges many people do not have. Most people move to NYC after college, somewhere in their early twenties, and they don't have any or a lot of furniture. So they can just about pick any nice apt and furnish it once they move. I moved to NYC after owning a home in ATL. And even after selling off some of my furniture I still had a lot of stuff. So SPACE was a HUGE challenge for me. I won't do a full recap you can see the blog I wrote in 2006 on the search and when I actually found my apt.

Fastforward to January 2008 and it's time to renew my lease. Maybe I am naive but given the economy I was expecting my management company to offer me the same rent if I sign a two year lease or a slightly higher rent and of course a big increase if I only wanted a one year lease renewal. I was wrong on all fronts. The landlord wanted $175 more a month if I signed a two year lease and a $205 increase if I wanted a two year lease. First off, what happened to the incentive to stay. You would think the lower increase would be offered on the longer lease term. Second, $175 represents an 11% increase in rent. My first thought was, is that even legal. That's double the rate of inflation.

So I called the management company and they told me I needed to write a letter requesting a rent negotiation and to support my case. I did that but you know me, I always have a Plan B so I started apt searching. One Saturday I looked at 7 apts. They were all nice, newly renovated BUT they were all too small. They were all liveable and I would recommend them to anyone but they were too small for me.

Next I went to see a few brokers and they all told me the same thing. My building/complex is a rare gem given the amenities, size, cost and location. Let's start with size. I have a Junior 4 - 1 bedroom. I had no idea what that really meant. Basically I have a dining room area and a den/office area that most 1 bedrooms don't have. I'm like okay, so what's the big deal about that. According to these brokers the layout/size of a Junior 4 - 1 bedroom is so different from a standard 1 bedroom that I would need to find another Junior 4 or a 2 bedroom. I take for granted the amenities I have like doorman, elevator building, security guards, laundry in the building, parking in the back, dishwasher, microwave, air conditioners. I was considering moving to Brooklyn to Flatbush Gardens but no doorman, laundry was in a another building a block away, no dishwasher, no microwave, no air conditioners. You really can't beat Central Harlem. I live 2 blocks from the 2/3 trains. And to the east, 10 blocks away is Metro North, the 4, 5 and 6 trains. To the west about 5 blocks is the A, C and E trains. I'm in the middle of it all.

Last but not least, cost. One of my friends from college moved in to my apartment complex in November. He is paying $295 a month more than I pay in rent. If you go to the website for my complex they are charging almost market rate for apartments. A studio is $1,350, a 1 bedroom is $1,630, a 1 bedroom with terrace is $1,805, a Junior 4 is $1,920 and a 2 bedroom is $2,670. I can't believe it's that expensive in Harlem.

After doing some market research and looking at several apartments I just hoped and prayed my letter to management would work so I wouldn't have to move. I HATE moving and I LOVE my apartment. My letter was two pages long and included everything from the rate of inflation to reasons why they should continue to have me as a tenant to how renewing my lease at a lower rate was saving them money. The letter was GREAT and if anyone is going through a lease renewal negotiation, email me and I will send you a copy so you can adjust it for your needs. My letter was soooo good that I'm presenting at the next tenant's association meeting about how to negotiate a rent renewal.

I called on Friday and they said the decision letter was being mailed that afternoon and they couldn't tell me over the phone. Saturday when I got home from work the new paperwork was in the mail. They agreed to a $105 increase in rent (about 6% increase) a month if I signed a two year lease vs. the initial $205 increase in rent a month if I signed a two year lease. I signed, sent it back and it's all good. I'm staying in Harlem for another two years AND I can still stick to my new year's goals of downsizing on the side hustles and I'll still be able to afford my apt.

Special K Diet

For the last two weeks I have been on the Special K Diet. If you have never heard of the diet here's the website to design your own plan http://www.specialk.com/?id=challenge

Now I know you are thinking, why are you, of all people, trying to lose weight. The diet says you can lose up to 6 lbs in two weeks. But my goal wasn't to lose a certain amount of weight it was about fitting in to a pair of jeans. My girlfriend Brooke helped me to purge my closet Steve Gunn style. (Gotta watch Project Runway to know who he is.) And hidden in the back of my closet I had these size 1 Calvin Klein jeans. Brooke said, you will never fit in to those jeans. They went up my legs fine, the hard part was fastening them. So I said I would go on the Special K diet and I would be able to fit in to those jeans.

Basically the diet is you eat a bowl of Special K for breakfast, a bowl of Special K for lunch, have the Special K snacks or fruit, yogurt, etc. in between and you eat a healthy dinner. I had to slightly vary this up because of course I decided to start this diet in the middle of NYC Restaurant Week. There were days I would eat the cereal for breakfast, have a normal lunch and then eat the cereal for dinner.

BUT my problem was whatever that one normal meal was I would go overboard because I was soooooo hungry. Like one day for lunch I had a sandwich, apple, granola bar, yogurt, bag of potato chips, brownie, small pasta salad, small soup and a soda. Probably NOT what they had in mind when they said normal meal...but for me, and anyone who really knows me, that is a normal meal. Another day I had Wendy's: chicken blt salad with extra honey mustard dressing, baked potato with broccoli, bacon and cheese, chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce, a large Sprite and a large frosty. Again, probably not a normal meal but for me, I consider that a healthy meal. I probably shouldn't have gotten the extra dressing or the cheese on the potato.

Once restaurant week was over I got better about the diet. My next problem would be the snacks at work. It seems like there are always cookies, brownies, cupcakes, fudge...something so good but so bad if you are on a diet. Needless to say I cheated on the diet...a lot. But the one thing I didn't do was try on the jeans every day to see how I was doing. I just said to myself wait until the end, it will be worth it. But I had already noticed my other clothes fitting a little different. Other jeans I have weren't as tight as before and some of my dress pants and skirts for work were a little loose too.

But it's day 14, the day of judgment. I got up this morning and I looked at the jeans and I looked at my belly that still hasn't gone down from the fabulous dinner I had at Ruby Tuesday's with my Mom and Sister. I walked over to my mirror and tried the jeans on.

The legs were never an issue but I think they slipped on a little easier than they did two weeks ago. But the true test would be if I could fasten the jeans. And without having to lay on the bed or the floor they fastened. YEAH SPECIAL K!!!!

But the diet isn't over. I've decided that the diet wasn't so bad. I never had mood swings or nightmares about food or any of the things a lot of people experience when they are dieting so I'm going to keep going at least for another week. I guess when I run out of cereal and snacks I'll stop. Plus I'm going to New Orleans the end of this week for NBA All-Star and I plan on EATING...a lot. Gumbo, crawfish, beignets, po'boys...oh I can't wait.

I didn't step on a scale before or after the diet so I have no idea how much weight I lost and I really don't care. I don't think a pound or two up or down can really hurt anyone. I suggest this diet for anyone who doesn't mind eating a lot of cereal or drinking a lot of milk. Special K has lots of varieties to keep you from getting bored with the cereal. I also think this diet is good for someone not looking for huge or dramatic results. If you are just trying to lose a few pounds in two weeks, it works. I actually think if I hadn't overloaded during my one normal meal a day I probably would have lost a little more.

Ultimately I probably just need to join a gym and do some situps. A new gym is opening 1 subway stop away from me and they are only charging $20 a month membership. Given that my company will reiumburse me for half of the gym membership I'm considering joining. The deciding factor will be if they offer classes cause just working out on equipment doesn't keep me motivated. Getting back in shape is one of my goals for 2008 so I'm going to do my research on gyms before I join.

Mother & Daughters

My sister just turned 50. It's a huge accomplishment to live that long. I wanted to do something special for the occasion. So I bought my sister and mom tickets to see the Color Purple on Broadway before it ends it's run. But before the show I took my sister and mom to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner.



It was the first time in a long time that all three of us were together. My sister and I haven't always gotten along especially in the last few years. But since her move to Maryland she is a lot happier and I'm happy for her. She was the sister I remembered the one who was always laughing and making others laugh but at the same time you knew she wouldn't take no crap. Today was one of those days I will cherish. It's about making memories and this will be a good one.

New Year, New Job

When I said in my Goals for 2008 that I was planning on making major career moves in the new year I was very serious. Effective January 7, I will no longer be with Sports Illustrated. I'm staying within the Time Inc. company and moving over to InStyle.com as the Editorial Producer.

Below is the official announcement:

Please join me in welcoming Tiffany Black to InStyle.com as Editorial Producer starting January 7th. Tiffany is currently a producer at SI.com for the mySI product and manages NFL game day blogging. She was formerly a sports producer at the New York Times on the Web. Before coming to New York, Tiffany worked online for the Atlanta-Journal Constitution and the Philadelphia Inquirer. Tiffany is a graduate of the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. She was born and raised in Hackensack, New Jersey and currently lives in Harlem. Tiffany will report to Kristen Beirne.

After more than a year of assisting me and Kristen, Nakisha Williams will now work for Tiffany as an Editorial Assistant helping her get up to speed and continuing her Product Finder and reporting responsibilities.

Lisa Tilson, whom we all know as one of our industrious interns, will replace Nakisha as the Editorial Assistant working for me and Kristen. She starts in her new role on January 7th. Prior to coming to InStyle.com, Lisa was an intern at MarthaStewart.com. She is a graduate of the University of Kansas where she worked on the Kansas Alumni Magazine and at the University Daily Kansan. She was also captain of the school’s swimming and diving teams.

Please do what you can to help Tiffany, Nakisha and Lisa transition to their new responsibilities.

Thanks.
Gail Glickman Horwood (my new boss)
Executive Director, InStyle.com


I expect more great things to come in 2008 :-P

Goals for 2008

As my copy editing teacher Raleigh Mann used to love to say, "Keep It Simple Stupid." (KISS). So I try to keep my goals/resolutions fairly simple and very attainable. Last year I really only had three major goals and I think I'm going to keep them on my list for this year and add a few more. But I think this year will be focused around three major themes: finances, career and health & fitness.

FINANCES
Under finances I have a few goals I would like to obtain:

1. Increase my 401K contributions
The first ten years of contributions to your 401K are so important in the long term so I would like to get up to putting in 10% of my salary versus just maxing out the company match contribution.

2. Rainy Day Fund
I unofficially have a financial adviser whom I call Poppa K. He's always getting on me to make sure I have an account that has at least 6 months of expenses in it because you just never know. This by far has been the hardest goal to reach but I understand the importance of it and I want to do it.

3. Pay Down Debt
The debt consolidation was the best thing I could have ever done in 2007. (Thanks Poppa K). You wouldn't believe how much easier and how much faster I see results in the reduction of my debt because I'm paying to one place instead of several. I just make one large payment and it has freed up some of my money. Now that I have consolidated my debt I want to put more towards paying it off sooner. I'd like to have it paid off by December 2008 but even if I don't hit this goal I know by 2009 it will be.

CAREER
I plan on making major career moves in the new year and to do that I need to do the following:

1. Enroll in management classes and training programs
I actually got this great idea from one of my mentors Sandra Long, Managing Editor at the Philadelphia Inquirer. (I have several great mentors) She suggested several classes and programs to build my skills and help me to obtain my professional goals.

2. Classes, classes and more classes
I work part-time at Mediabistro.com and one of the benefits of working there that I have never capitalized on is that I get to take classes and seminars for free. So I made a list of the classes I want to take through March and had my boss enroll me. I'm looking forward to the free professional development. I also want to take a writing class with Sue Shapiro at the New School in the Fall BUT I will only be able to do that if the next goal happens otherwise I won't have the time.

3. Take control of my workaholism
I actually tried to resign from one of my part-time jobs but they readjusted the job to better suit my needs so I'm staying BUT in 2008 I have to quit working so many additional jobs. This is a HUGE problem for me because I like my jobs, I enjoy working, it keeps me focused and balanced. The additional money has helped me to do things like buy windows for my Mom's house and pay off credit cards and just have fun in NYC. But I know I need to eventually quit some of my hustles so my goal is to quit by summer and hopefully in the fall launch my own company. That would put me at one full time job and one side hustle that is my own business.

4. Get Published
Several of the classes I'll be taking in 2008 through my part-time job are writing classes. So I would like to get at least one of the articles I write for these classes published. I'm targetting the pieces I write to either a women's magazine or the modern love column in the New York Times. Mia always has plenty to say about dating and relationships but is it compelling enough to get published in the New York Times?

HEALTH & FITNESS
Last but not least is health & fitness. First my two goals from last year go back on the list.

1. Get back in shape
My problem is that I work so much I don't leave a lot of time for exercise. But I know I need to either get back in to dance classes or join a gym and hire a personal trainer to keep me motivated and on target.

2. Keep on cooking
I have been purging my home for the new year and I finally put all the recipes I have saved from Essence magazine into a binder. So my goal is to try at least one recipe a month. Doesn't sound like a lot but even cooking once a month for me is a lot.

3. Read more books
For some this may not fall in to the health and fitness category BUT I have a hard time focusing. I always need to be doing 10 things at once. But reading requires undivided attention and thus it is a means for me to learn to relax more. This year I read 15 books so my goal for 2008 is to read 30 books. I'm already off to a good start thanks to the help of my girlfriends who started a book club. That's a guaranteed 12 books. And I have so many books on my bookshelves collecting dust. I also want to finish the Left Behind Series of books I started reading this year. So if I do that I'll be sure to hit 30. Being the over achiever I am I would say I want to read 30 by the summer but I'm going to cut myself some slack and just strive towards having 30 books read by the end of next year.

And there you have it...my goals for 2008. So as you can see I have a lot of things I want to achieve in 2008 but I think they are all very attainable and there is enough variety in the things I want to do that I can do more than one thing at one time and for me that is the key to reaching any goals I set for myself.

BUT I'm going to need your help. I need my friends to support me and push me. Every now and then ask if I have worked on any of my goals. People I care about and who I know care about me holding me accountable keeps me on target. I should probably print out this blog and hang it up on the fridge at home and on my bulletin board at work. This year I didn't revisit my goals but surprisingly I did work on all of them throughout the year.

What are your goals for the new year? What are some things you would like to accomplish in the first 3 months, 6 months and by the end of 2008?

Goals for 2007 Recap

It's that time of year when you take a look back and then plan for the future.

So in looking back I looked at the 3 goals I set for myself this year and how I did in achieving or not achieving them.

1. Pay off some credit cards
Every year I gain more ground with this goal. This year I decided to take out a debt consolidation loan and it has changed my life. I'm on track to be credit card debt free by September of 2009. But I'm an overachiever so I'm hoping to pay it off sooner than that.

2. Get back in shape
I didn't do as well as I hoped with this goal. I started taking salsa and hip hop classes in the beginning of 2007 but didn't continue with it throughout the year.

3. Keep on cooking
I still don't cook as often as I should or could. I realize my problem is that cooking requires focus and I'm a multi-tasker. It's very hard for me to do one thing at a time. I can't cook and watch TV or cook and talk on the phone because that's a recipe for disaster. I did burn the hell out of myself again this year, making cupcakes...I know who burns themselves making cupcakes. But I have perfected my gumbo, my cornish hens are always juicy and my yellow rice and peas never fail as a great side dish.

So overall I'm happy with how I progressed in 2007 but there is always room for improvement in 2008.

My 2008 Shopping List/Wish List

Dear Santa,

I have been a very very good girl this year. Ok, well maybe I haven't, but I still want the following:

- New Computer(s)
My desktop and laptop are on their last downloads.

- Fry Daddy
This is the best solution I can think of so I can fry food and not burn the hell out of myself. Reference burn marks on right wrist.

- Watch
I want to know what time it is.

- Earrings
It's been so long since I wore a pair of earrings that I need to get some earrings before the holes in my earlobes close.

- Sex and the City: The Complete Series (Collector's Giftset)
Back on the list again. This one has been on my list since the show ended.

- Sex and the City Essentials
Hasn't been on the list as long but I still want it.

- Wine
Wines of choice are: Rosa Regale, Vietti Cascinetta Moscato d'Asti 2004, Moscato d’asti - bricco del sole piedmont 2006 and 2005 Moscato Allegro.

- Harry Potter Boxset Books 1-7 (Hardcover)
Needs no explanation

- Victoria's Secret gift card
I can always find something at Vicky's

- FOOD
I ALWAYS want this

- TIVO with recordable DVR
I need it now more than ever since I work 3 jobs and miss most TV programming.

- Pearls
Once upon a time someone bought me a pearl necklace, bracelet and earring set and an evil, evil woman took those pearls and threw them off the side of a cruise boat. That was 2002, I haven't gotten a replacement since.

- African American History For Dummies
I find this book kind of funny especially since I was an Afam/Journalism major at UNC. But for some odd reason I really want this book in my collection.

I think this list will be a work in progress but I'm a simple girl and I don't ask or require much.

Giving Back

How much do you appreciate your parents? All I have is my Mom and I may cop an attitude with her every now and then but at the end of the day I would do anything for her.

I grew up in the projects but my Mom worked hard, kept a nice home and I never felt like I lived in the projects. It really is one thing to live in the projects and to feel like you are living in the projects. I never really wanted for anything. I didn't always get what I wanted but I got enough and luckily I was never a kid in to name brands and stuff so Mom didn't have to stress about saving for some Jordan's or stuff like that. (For the record, I have never owned a pair of Jordan sneakers).

So I'm grown now and what are you supposed to do when you grow up...take care of your parents. But I have had so much debt I just never felt like I was in a position to help her. I finally got my finances in order...much love to Poppa K for sharing his financial knowledge and helping me to get my debt under control. Thanks to him I was able to give my Mom the best Holiday Season ever.

I started off small...I bought her some things she wanted but didn't really need...a rice cooker, new comforter/sheet set, some gloves, a new pair of boots...and then I hit her with the BIG present. I scheduled a Home Depot window consultation. They came to the house and I bought her windows. Yes...WINDOWS. You would not believe how expensive windows are but it was necessary. And I was just happy that I was finally in a position to do so. So my Mom is having the best Holiday Season ever...she can't wait for the installation of her windows...and of course she got all teary about me spending so much money...but it's for a good cause...it's for my Mom...she sacrificed for me so it's just time I give back.

So before you buy some small token of love for your parent(s) just think about all they have done for you through the years. It's great to get them things they want but might not need. But it's an even better feeling to get them something they need but they just can't afford.

2007 Shopping List Recap

I was getting ready to make my 2008 Shopping List and I decided to look back at my 2007 list and see how I did. The funny thing is I didn't look back at my list all year and I still got quite a few things.

- Canon Power Shot Digital Camera (BOUGHT)
It took some coaxing from Unk T but I finally bought it and it arrived in May.

- Fry Daddy (NOPE)
I'll have to add this to my 2008 list.

- Watch (NOPE)
I still don't know what time it is.

- Earrings (NOPE)
Asked a certain person to get me some Harry Mason earrings while he was in San Francisco...his response, you don't wear earrings. Yeah, cause I don't have any. So this will go on the 2008 list.

- Printer/Scanner/Copier/Fax (BOUGHT)
I got this as a birthday present from G. Lee but sadly it's still in the box. I now realize I need a new computer as well.

- Sex and the City: The Complete Series (Collector's Giftset) (NOPE)
Back on the list again. This one has been on my list since the show ended.

- Sex and the City Essentials (NOPE)
Hasn't been on the list as long but it's going back on it.

- Wine/Wine Glasses/Wine Opener (PARTIAL)
Big Sister Gorgeous One bought me wine glasses and I got a nice wine opener from Crate & Barrel. Now I just need to get the wine.

- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Book 6) (BOUGHT)
German Girl supported my Harry Potter addiction and got this for me last X-mas.

- Victoria's Secret gift card (NOPE)
This is an item that could and probably should be on my list every year. Can always find a good reason to buy something from Vicky's.

- Good Life Woman Gift Set by Davidoff for Woman (NOPE) CORRECTION: THERE WAS A SALE AT PERFUMANIA SO I BOUGHT MYSELF THIS, THIS PAST WEEKEND
I'm all out so I have to find this fragrance. Back on the list it goes.

- FOOD (KINDA)
This should probably be #1 on my list.

- TIVO with recordable DVR (NOPE)
Back on the list and I need it now more than ever since I work 3 jobs and miss most TV programming.

I know, doesn't seem like I got a lot on my list but what I got I greatly appreciated.

My Coke Addiction

My name is...well you know my name...and I'm addicted to Coke...Coke Reward Points.

As I have previously blogged (click on the My Coke Rewards label) I developed an early addiction to My Coke Rewards points back in early 2006. I was working nights and weekends at the New York Times on the Web and I would drink a bottle or more of Coke a night to get through my shifts. And I decided to capitalize on my addiction/spending.

By July 2006 I was in full blown, almost out of control addiction. But I just couldn't resist the rewards....free Blockbuster movie rentals, Delta SkyMiles...I even got a Carolina basketball that proudly sits on my desk.

By September 2006 I thought I had kicked the habit...but really I hadn't. The craving for Coke Reward Points was always there but I resisted...never gave in to it. I still collected the points but not as aggressively as I once had.

And then last night...I fell off the wagon.

I had a little time to spare between production so I decided to add some points to my account. I always have Coke caps sitting on my desk. Now every time I would accumulate 335 points I would redeem them for 850 Delta Sky Miles. But last night to my chagrin they no longer offer the 850 mile prize. The only Delta Sky Miles prize now is 1180 points for 3000 miles. 1180 points?!?!?!? Do you know how long it will take me to accumulate that. And then it hit me....I just had to go on Ebay and buy points...and oh did I buy. I spent enough money to reward myself with 9,000 miles. I'm even closer to that free plane ticket.

The craving for points and for Delta Miles has now subsided. I think I have my addiction back under control. Pray for me...or better yet, email me your Coke Rewards codes

Feeling Thankful

It's not Thanksgiving yet but I'm feeling really thankful. I know I tend to complain a lot, especially about my lack of a love life, but it's only because I have been blessed in SOOOOO many ways and want to share my world with someone special. But this blog I'm writing for me...a reminder for those days when I'm feeling a little low...I can look at this and be reminded of all the things I'm thankful for.

1. To be alive. Every day is another chance.

2. For my Mom. As I get older I appreciate her more and more.

3. For my family. We may be slightly dysfunctional (even though my Mom would never admit that) but at the end of the day they are who they are and I gotta love them for that.

4. For my friends/extended family. If I call you my friend you are apart of my extended family. I could list all the names but I don't want to forget any one because everyone of you is significant to me.

5. For my house. I haven't lived in ATL in almost 2 years but my house is still one of my greatest achievements. It's a reminder that I have made it out of the projects. And I'm really excited about the opportunity to possibly buy again.

6. My apt in NYC. I can't even front, I do have an incredible place. And I complain about how much I pay in rent but I love where I live and there is no price tag on peace of mind and comfort.

7. My career. I have been so fortunate in my career. It just keeps getting better and better.

8. My side hustles. There is one thing I'm always good at...working...and I find the most interesting side hustles to have a little extra change in my pocket at the end of the day. My hustles are just all apart of the experience I call my life.

9. My travels. Y'all joke me that no one travels as much as I do but I can't front, I average a trip a month and I'm thankful for that. All the places I've been and all the places I will go.

10. My God. HE should really be #1. HE is the source of my strength. HE keeps me going when I don't think I can go on. HE keeps me believing in love even at my loneliest times. HE keeps opening doors for me when I think there are none left to be open. And although I don't wear my faith on my sleeve or seem to be the most devout I know who my God is and I know I am because HE is.

R.I.P. McDonald's

Every now and then I get a McDonald's craving. And when I do it's usually for french fries with an orange drink, a strawberry shake, one of those clearly microwaved burgers or my favorite...the McGriddle. That mouthwatering sandwich that turns our childhood Saturday morning treat of a hotcakes and sausage into a handy dandy morning favorite.

Why I have these cravings...I never know. I think they must have put something in our Happy Meals as a child to keep us addicted until death do us and Micky D's part. So on this rainy morning I was having visions of a hot and sweet McGriddle. I even found a buy one get one free McGriddle coupon on the seat of the subway. This had to be a sign. My mouth is watering like Homer Simpson the entire subway ride. I'm checking the time to see if I should run to McDonald's before I drop my stuff off at my desk or get them before I head to SI...I couldn't wait any longer, I headed straight for McDonalds.

As I'm riding down the escalator visions of McGriddles were dancing in my head. There are two entrances to McDonalds and I see the first door is not open and the usual McDonald's signage is not up. I assume that some construction work must be going on at that entrance and I'll go to the other one. I walk around the corner and go to the other entrance...it's also closed and there is a security guard standing there. I ask, "Is McDonald's closed for repairs?" This other lady who I hadn't noticed was standing there answers, "No, it's closed for good." But I just walked by here yesterday on my way to the subway and I know it was open.

"For good?," I say and turn back to the guard. The guard, in his thick Hispanic accent explains that McDonald's is indeed closed for good because the rent went up. The lady jumps in again, clearly distraught, "I have been coming to this McDonald's every day for 20 years and they doubled the rent and they had to close." She was clearly more upset than me although my stomach was grumbling. I look at my phone and I don't have enough time to run to the next closest McDonald's and still make our daily morning meeting. So the next best thing is this shop next to McDonald's but I was so disappointed in my eggs and bacon on a roll. It wasn't bad but it wasn't a McGriddle.

So I'm pouring out some of my Hi-C Orange drink in memory of the McDonald's on the lower level of my building that has satisfied every one of my McFood cravings.

20 Dates for under $20

I know I haven't blogged in a while but I've been busy. No, not busy having ginormous amounts of fun. Busy working and trying to hang out when I'm not working. But this post comes by way of an email...another reminder to keep the faith and not lose your wallet in this crazy game called dating:

1. Find the best happy hour in town. Look through your newspaper or search online for local restaurants and bars with happy hours. Most places offer half-price food and drink specials, allowing you to get two drinks and share an appetizer for less than $20.

2. Go to a museum. Most museums either have free admission or offer free entry on certain days of the month.

3. Visit your local zoo. Most zoos offer adult tickets for less than $10. Pack your own snacks and bottled water and have a mini picnic while you're there.

4. Go on a romantic hike. Bring a backpack and surprise your partner with a bottle of champagne, glasses and fresh strawberries.

5. Go swimming at your local pool, lake or beach. Bring some water toys and have more fun than the kids.

6. Beat the heat with an ice cream date. Take two scoops to the park, or take a walk downtown and go people watching.

7. Hit the dollar movie theater. Lots of cities have discount movie theaters showing second-run features. Pick a rainy day and have a movie marathon.

8. Take a downtown walking tour. Discover things and places you never knew existed. While you're there, pick up a free visitors guide for more date ideas.

9. Plan a cheap picnic. Go on a picnic at the beach, mountains or in your own backyard. Grab a blanket, pack a deli sandwich and a bottle of $5 wine.

10. Take a blanket to the beach. Split your budget between a bottle of wine and cheese, then enjoy the sunset while you snuggle on a blanket.

11. Stroll through the botanical gardens. Spend the day “walking hand in hand through rose gardens and tropical rainforests” walking hand in hand through rose gardens and tropical rainforests, for less than $10 a ticket.

12. Be a kid again. Go bowling, play miniature golf, ride go-carts or play laser tag.

13. Build a bonfire. All you need is some firewood, snacks and a drink of your choice. This is also a great opportunity to make 'smores.

14. Rent something. Go roller- or ice-skating, rent a two-seater bike and pedal through the park, or paddle a boat on a pond.

15. Paint pottery together. Lots of studios let you get creative for around $6 an hour.

16. Pitch a tent. Park fees are usually less than $10, which leaves money for food and firewood. Go camping and roast hot dogs as you gaze at the stars.

17. Go wine tasting. Most wineries charge around $5 for a tasting of five different wines -- plus, “you'll get to keep the glass as a souvenir of your date” you'll get to keep the glass as a souvenir of your date.

18. Take a scenic drive. Pull over to have coffee and dessert at a nice cafe.

19. Explore local galleries and artists. Many cities have art walks one night a month during the summer, with the bonus of a free glass of wine.

20. Rack 'em up at your local pool joint. With pool games costing less than $2, you might even have money left over to share a pitcher of beer.

So I Think I Can Dance

I'm not normally home on Wednesday nights. But for once I don't have to work tonight but sadly I'm sick. So as I'm flipping through the channels, besides noticing that there isn't anything on TV so I really haven't been missing anything while I've been at work, I also see MY DANCE TEACHERS. I was so excited to see Tony and Melanie, my latin dance instructors. Tony choreographed one of the dances for the couples and Melanie acted as his assistant BUT one of the finalists got sick so Melanie actually had to fill in. Tony and Melanie are both champion ballroom dancers. So given that I have incredible instructors I now KNOW that I can dance. ;-P

Teach Me How To Love

How do you define love? If you look the word up in the dictionary there is over 25 different explanations for it. I don't think there is one right or wrong definition. The dictionary just proves that love is defined and applied differently based on the individual. Whenever I question what love is or need to be reminded of the kind of love I want to give and receive I turn to my faith.

According to 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 and 13:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

To me, this is the definition of a perfect love. I am not perfect so I do not seek perfection I just strive to be better.

Salsa Anyone?

Have to give y'all an update on my hip hop classes...they made my knees hurt.

Nah, I enjoyed taking the classes. I didn't enjoy getting up early on Sunday mornings after staying out late the night before BUT once I got going in class I was good. I'm thinking about taking more classes this summer but later in the day on Sundays. But I'm not really sure I want to commit to 8 Sundays of which I'll know for sure I'll miss 2 of them. So I guess I'll wait until September to re-enroll.

On to salsa...I have been taking salsa lessons off and on since 2002. By now I should probably face my fear and enroll in an intermediate class. I just think everyone teaches it differently so I'm not sure the same terms apply across the board. I actually met someone at one of my speed dating events who is taking lessons and is trying to convince me to go out salsa dancing.

I don't know what it is. I have no fears about hip hop dancing at all. And I always find a way to incorporate what I learn in class to what I do in the club. But with salsa I fear not being good enough. Getting on the dance floor and forgetting the moves or in my mind confusing salsa with cha cha, merengue or whatever other dances my various instructors have intermingled.

Sounds like I need to take that guy up on his offer and face my fear.

A Mother's Lifetime

I didn't realize all the things that I have been able to do in my short life time that my Mom has never experienced.

My Mom is the hardest yet the easiest person to get a present for. It's hard because any time you ask her what she wants she either doesn't want anything or wants something very simple. Like for Christmas all she wanted was a small AM/FM radio so she could listen to her soap operas while at work.

So this year, as every other year, I struggled with what to get her for Mother's Day. I could give her flowers...again...but flowers are so temporary. She loves them when she gets them but I think I have bought my mother enough flowers from 1-800-Flowers for her to have quite an impressive vase collection.

Skizzle suggested I cook for her. I love my Mom too much to do that. Anyone that knows my cooking abilities knows why I say that. But just taking my Mom out for a meal I didn't feel really did her justice. Plus my Mom is the type to say why go out to eat when I have food here and can cook.


I just couldn't figure out what to get her. And I have a pretty good reputation of being a good gifter...I always get the right thing or something really thoughtful that is just the right thing. For days I wracked my brain with what to do. And then it all came to me at once. My Mom loves fruit. She makes a smoothie every morning. But I didn't want to get her a regular fruit basket. So I bought her an edible arrangement.

And I always go home to get my nails done so I thought a manicure and pedicure for my Mom would be a nice addition. But little did I know my mother had never had a professional pedicure or manicure in her life. LIFE...do you understand the concept? In 67 years she had NEVER EVER EVER had something as simple as a professional pedicure and manicure. I just couldn't believe it.

I can't even describe her joy at getting a simple manicure and pedicure. She said ultimately all she wanted for Mother's Day was to spend the day with her daughter. (Why the heck she would want to spend a day with me as opposed to one of my other brothers and sisters is beyond me.) She got more than she bargained for.

But then I thought about all the things I have done, the places I have been, etc. that my Mom has never experienced. My Mom has never been on a plane so she has never been to most of the places I have been. My Mom has never bought a house...she inherited my grandparent's home. My Mom bought her first car two years ago. She always had cars but she never actually bought herself one, they were always used cars purchased from friends or family but never one straight from the dealership. My mom has never been on a cruise. She's a Knicks fan but has never been to a game at Madison Square Garden. There are just so many things my Mother has never experienced (too many things to list them all) and that I take for granted.

My Mother is a reminder of how good God has been to me. I have never had a lot but God has given me so much. Parents always say they want their kids to have more than they had and that has definitely happened for me.

Summa, Summa, Summertime

I work hard (too hard) but I play even harder (or at least I try to). So I finally have secured my summer plans.

Memorial Day weekend - ATL for Smurfest. It's an annual party my ATL friends have and I haven't missed one yet. (knock on wood)

Fourth of July - July 4-8 Mz. B, Mocha and I are heading to Chicago for the Taste. Hopefully some of my girls from Carolina will be there too.

NABJ - I'm going back to Vegas...Vegas...Vegas...I'm going back to Vegas...and I'm excited. I never get tired of Vegas there is always something I haven't done before and there are some things I like to do every time I go. But it will be fun in the desert sun at the beginning of August. If anyone wants to come I got a good convention rate on a room at Bally's.

Labor Day - Mz. B and I are going to be adventurous. We are going on a White Water Rafting trip in Tennessee.

Although I have the major holidays on lock there is still room to do other stuff. I'm hoping to go to Great Adventure, to make a few trips to the beach (Jones, Coney Island, Atlantic City, Jersey Shore, Miami, Myrtle Beach, Virginia Beach, Bahamas...you get the idea...a beach), and whatever other random fun presents itself....baseball games, parties, cookouts, festivals, mini road trips...whatever...I'm down for it all.

Must Have Something in my Roots

My name is Mia and I am a workaholic.

Several people in my family suffer from "Workaholism." Workaholism is the compulsion to work a lot and/or hold several jobs, positions, hustles whether you need to or not.

It originates with my father. I was really young when my Dad was alive so I don't remember all of his hustles but I do remember one of them being a tow truck driver. Daddy always did whatever he had to legally do to keep us above water. But workaholism is not necessarily genetic because my siblings and I don't have the same Dad yet they are clearly workaholics too.

My oldest brother might be the worst offender. He is a regional sales manager for TWO companies. And how he does it amazes me. He works out of the house and has 2 company cars, 3 company computers and just 1 cell phone (cause he said keeping track of 2 would be too much). In addition to 2 full time hustles he also has 2 part time hustles. He drives nurses around (home nursing service) and has a business with one of his friends where he cleans offices. And like that isn't enough to occupy his time he also coaches kids in basketball all year long.

My next brother just has a full-time job and one part-time hustle. He has always been the one in our family known as being a "Jew." No offense to Jews but if anyone can make a dollar out of fifteen cents, it's this brother. His ridiculous methods of cheapness has been fodder for family and friends for years.

And then there is me. All my life I have watched the people in my family hustle and the hustle bug finally bit me in high school. In addition to school and all those extracurriculars I worked part-time at a law firm and I hustled condoms at school. That's right...condoms. Back in my high school days people were too "scared" to go out and buy condoms. But I had a friend that worked at CVS and he would steal or get a discount on large quantities of condoms. He was my supplier. I would sell the condoms at school. My best days were Fridays. Everyone wanted condoms for the weekend. It was so ridiculous...all they had to do was go buy them themselves...but whatever...helped to pay my pager bill.

Growing up I always told myself I'm going to go to college so I can have just one job to pay the bills and not have to hustle. In college there were times where I had FOUR jobs. After college I can only think of a few years where I didn't hold down a full-time job and at least one hustle. Then I moved back to NYC. Why oh why did I do that? NYC is the hustler capital. There are so many opportunities here it's hard to not fall in to some kind of hustle.

When I moved back last year I was at the New York Times for about 3 months before I acquired a hustle...interning for Forbes magazine. That hustle came to an end and I was feening for my next hustle like a crackhead looking for their next hit. I switched up jobs completely and told myself, no more hustles. But in a few short months I had found my next hustle...hosting speed dating events.

Fast forward to today and I just acquired another hustle. I'll be working part-time for a company ALL journalists should know...mediabistro.com.

I suffer from workaholism not because I'm greedy. My workaholism is a by-product of debt. I just don't want to be in debt and hustling gets me extra money to pay off debt. My workaholism is also out of necessity. You can't imagine what it is like to have a mortgage in Atlanta and an apt in NYC. The housing market is so bad I just can't unload the house. And it's hard to keep a tenant in my place when this is a buyer's market. So my options are to either pay the mortgage every month or jack up my credit. I'd rather work 12 jobs and never sleep than jack up my credit because credit is easy to mess up and hard as hell to fix.

I have a financial goal in mind and as long as I keep my eyes on the prize and stay focused on my focus my workaholism will only be used for good and not evil purposes.

Heart of the Matter

If I had $100 for every time someone asked my why I was single I could pay off my student loans. But seriously I had a day where 5 totally unrelated people asked me some form of the same question. I'll go with the "cute" version..."How could your pretty tail be lonely?" EASILY!

Normally when I'm asked whatever version of the same question I have to refrain from rolling my eyes and sighing in frustration. But given the person that asked me hadn't talked to me in awhile I decided to not skim over an answer. And of course he asked a two part question, "What do you want in a man?" If I had $100 for every time someone asked me that question I could pay off all my credit cards.

I told him that he knows me and the kind of person that I am. I don't require a lot in the form of a man buying me things. But from a man what I do require is invaluable and once given can't be gained back. He said, "Virginity?" I died laughing at that one. I said, "No...time, attention, trust, emotional support, unconditional love and ultimately your heart. All concepts that are apparently too mature for the boys I meet. I'm ready to share my world not just my bed."

His response was, "Wow, you are growing up. I know that quality people are hard to find but they are out there. Just don't lower the bar. Trust me, it's better to wait for the right person then to get caught up and realize you were wrong."

But then he pissed me off. "You have grown a lot but you don't know what you want. You are still a baby. What you said is a good start but then you gotta deal with specifics."

Why did he say that? I have plenty of specifics: grounded, financial responsible, emotionally stable, driven, passionate, able to balance competing forces like work, family, friends and a relationship, belief in a higher power, compatible sex drive, similar values, similar interests, ready to grow with someone and I could go on and on.

After that all he could say was, "Wow, I am convinced." I know why I am single...blogged about that before. I know what I want...blogged about that before. I've been through enough hardships, heartbreaks, kissed enough toads, etc. to know who I am and what I want. I'm just tired of waiting for him to find me.

Turkey Bowler

Last night I went bowling with some of my coworkers and got my first Turkey...incredible...I know...unbelievable...I know...can I do it again...who knows. But I'm going to a singles bowling event on Thursday so I'll get to test my luck in more ways than one ;)

Something To Be Thankful For

Thanks Nike for so eloquently concluding the fiasco that has been Imus, Rutgers and the whole "nappy headed ho" thing:

Thank you, ignorance.

Thank you for starting the conversation.

Thank you for making an entire nation listen to the Rutgers team's story. And for making us wonder what other great stories we've missed.

Thank you for reminding us to think before we speak.

Thank you for showing us how strong and poised 18- and 20-year-old women can be.

Thank you for reminding a sports nation that another basketball tournament goes on in March.

Thank you for showing us that sport includes more than the time spent on the court.

Thank you for unintentionally moving women's sport forward.

And thank you for making all of us realize that we still have a long way to go.

Next season starts 11.16.07


And in the words of Forest Gump, "And that's all I have to say about that."

What Happened to Dating?

I once posted an ad on Craig's List asking this very question. And I know I have blogged in the past on dating ideas. Apparently what has happened to dating is that people have gotten lazy and have lost creativity...they don't think outside of the box.

So here are some date ideas and some are actually free or cheap:

- Free movie screening or matinee (leaves the rest of the day to do something else)

- Every place has after work drink specials

- Most jobs give employees discounts to things around the city like museums

- Dinner, drinks and games at Dave & Busters and not expensive if you do the Power Combo...it comes with a $10 game card

- You can get half priced tickets to Broadway shows or go to an off Broadway show or even go to a community theater

- Walk across the BK bridge and talk and get to know each other while gazing at the beautiful skyline that is NYC

- Go bowling or play pool

- Take a salsa class together... A lot of places will offer the first trial class free

- Roam around a book store or a library

- Hit up a Starbucks or better yet a not-so-name brand coffee shop

- Share your MP3 collection with each other

- Roam around a part of town you have never roamed before... You never know where you could end up or what you might find, including about each other

- Summer is almost here and there will be PLENTY of street festivals

- Carnivals are another staple of summer

- Hit the beach...Jones Beach or Coney Island are not that far

- Go cart racing is always fun

- Share a hotdog as you walk around Central Park...An impromptu picnic would be an even nicer touch.

- Horse and carriage ride...every gir's dream

- Workout together. I avoid the gym because I don't know how to use the equipment but if someone offered to show me I would go.

- Make plans to cook something together. Even something as simple as baking a cake or cookies.

- Play miniature golf

- Watch the sunrise or sunset together

- Read a book aloud together. I prefer a Zane short story or even some poetry.

- Buy the ingredients to make an ice cream sundae, and create it together. Or if that is too much work, find the nearest Mr. Softee truck.

- Go to a comedy club. Everyone likes to laugh.

- Visit a museum

- Ascend to the top of the Rock or the Empire State building

- Go sightseeing...It's not just exclusive to tourists

- Take me out to the ballgame...Buy me an italian sausage, a soda and a carvel sundae in a Yankee cup

- Rent canoes and paddle around the nearest lake. I always wanted to rent a paddle boat on the Potamic

- Go to the zoo

- Visit the botanical gardens

- Play a board game

- Teach me how to play chess

- Drive some place close that you have never visited before

- Visit a bed and breakfast for a nice overnight getaway

- Go to a strip club together (not recommended for a first date)

I know I'm not the only one with ideas. Come on people....dating ideas? Now, if I can just find some dates to do all the things I have thought of.

Liar, Liar...Pants on Fire

I can deal with a lot of things. Lying is not one of them.

I had an ex that would lie to me about little, stupid, insignificant shit. And when I would catch him in these little "white lies" he never had a good reason for lying. And that would just piss me off to no end. Cause if you will lie to me about the little things you will lie to me about the big things.

I had another ex that was bold with the lying. This dude would look me in the eye and lie to my face. To me, that is the equivalent of someone spitting in my face. It's one thing (and still not the right thing) to lie to me on IM, email, text message, phone...whatever...but to look me directly in my face and lie to me is beyond disrespectful.

Too many people talk about keeping it real and always being honest. But that's some BS...cause if put in a situation where lying is an easy out most people would just choose to lie.

I don't know how many times I have to blog this, text this, chat this, discuss this if I tell you to be honest with me, not to lie to me, DON'T DO IT! I'm tired of people lying to me to supposedly protect my feelings. More BS. You ain't protecting my feelings you are looking out for your own ass. Let me worry about my feelings. Cause when I find out the truth and anyone who knows me knows I ALWAYS find out the truth it's going to piss me off even more. If you had told me from jump, I could have just thanked you for your honesty and walked away.

I had another dude that I was casually seeing. He later admitted there was more to the situation than he had initially told me. I was mad, don't get me wrong, but because he was honest with me I wished him the best and kept it moving. No drama, no arguing, no tears. He admitted to me something he should have made clear from jump but that was neither here nor there because at least he was now giving me necessary information so I could decide how to proceed.

I cannot make the right decision if I'm not being told the truth. If a person gets in to a situation that requires them to lie to me about it then they shouldn't have been in that situation in the first place. But don't lie to avoid the consequences. If you were bold enough to do what you did irregardless of possible negative outcomes, then face what's coming. Or at least give me the chance to walk away without feeling like you completely disrespected me.

I think this quote sums it up for me, "It is better to be told a hurtful truth than to be told a comforting lie."

Video Vixen

Y'all know how much I LOVE to dance. Dancing is my natural high. When I'm really stressed out option A is sex cause there is no better stress reliever. But a close second would be dancing. But my style of dancing is a blessing and a curse.

Dating in NYC has been hit or miss...more miss than hit. And I have tried everything from answering personal ads on Craig's list to Eharmony.com and everything in between. So someone suggested I try going to the club more. And said, "maybe if you didn't stand on poles the whole time, away from everyone you'd get hollered at."

I see his point and maybe it's just me, but I like to go to the club to dance not necessarily to meet guys. I must be one of the few people that can have a good ass time just dancing by myself especially if the DJ is good. Cause if a dude is on my ass or holding me I'm not free to really move.

Guys think that just because I dance like a stripper that they got a freak. If I really was a freak the guys I meet at clubs would never get close enough to me to find out. And the only bold guys at the club are the ugly, short ones. They are always the first ones that try to holla or get up on my ass.

Could I change the way I dance? Yes, but what's the point of that. I love to dance...I like to dance like the chicks you see in the videos and on the stripper poles. Why? Cause it's FUN!!! It makes me feel good. It's like the sexy inner diva makes her appearance.

The video vixen needs an outlet. Some place to dance where my style of dancing is appreciated and it's known that I'm just dancing. So I signed up for a hip hop dance class. And if I can pull off a good speed dating event between now and when classes start I'm going to enroll in a second class. This doesn't help my dating problem but it sure will make me feel good.

Affair, Adultery & Cheating

Silly question, because I guess it is all about semantics but what is the difference between having an affair, adultery and cheating? I hit the American Heritage Dictionary for answers.

Affair - A romantic and sexual relationship, sometimes one of brief duration, between two people who are not married to each other.

Adultery - Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse.

Cheating - To be sexually unfaithful

Not a clear distinction from one to the other and not sure a clear distinction can be made. None of these terms take in to account emotional cheating. I consider emotional cheating as to love the person you are with but be in love with someone else. You may never act on this feeling but the fact that your heart belongs to someone besides the person you are with is a crime.

So is there really a difference or is it all semantics?

Whose Got Next?

Would you rather know or not know the person your ex is going to date next? What if the person next was actually the person who had last? And what if the next was around while you were #1?

Hip Hop Musings

I'm working on a project at work so I've been listening to a lot of Launch. Here are some random thoughts the music has inspired.

Will Rich Boy be a one hit wonder? I mean...who names themselves Rich Boy before they are rich. And he is a funny looking dude...his face/head has an awkward shape.

I'm really feeling the song "Wouldn't Get Far" by The Game. The song makes me think of my trip to Vegas. At one point, when I was actually awake during the car ride MS played that song. Although the song lyrics have nothing to do with travelling the words "wouldn't get far" makes me think about how I almost didn't make it to Vegas.

Could Mims really make a million saying nothing on a track? I thought he was saying that to imply that he was a producer before he was a rapper or something. Kanye West could make a million saying nothing on a track. And why Mims got Remy Ma in his video like that is a good look?

If you have ever seen the "I'm a Flirt" remix video at the end a phone number flashes across the bottom of the screen. So I was tempted to see what I would hear when I called up. It's a recording with a few snippets off his upcoming album called "Double Up."

I think R. Kelly came up with the song i'm a flirt in one of my his many court appearances because the first verse says "I swear to tell the truth and the whole truth." Why does T. Pain's voice sound like Roger in the song "Computer Love." If I had a boyfriend T. Pain could not get my boyfriend mad. And I don't care how much R. Kelly would ever flirt cause I'd be scared to leave the club with him...he might piss on me...or worse.

Paying Myself First

The new year is underway and I'm hard at work on my resolutions. One of my resolutions is to pay off some credit cards. But a part B or 1a is to save some money as well.

I was inspired by an email I received from Queen T. She just started an ING Direct savings account and sent me an email. If I opened an account with $250 to start I would get a $25 bonus and she would get a $10 bonus. That was just the motivation I needed. But there are several good online savings accounts with higher interest rates. Two other good options are HSBC Direct and Emigrant Direct. I also opened an account with HSBC.

I remember going to a seminar called "Pay Yourself First" and in the seminar the lecturer said to see paying myself as another bill that I have to pay every month. That way you won't miss it and you will be saving. So for now, I'm having a samll sum automatically deducted from my checking each month and put in to each account. I know it isn't a lot but it is a good start given that I wasn't saving anything before. And I can still focus on paying off some of my credit cards.

If you are serious about paying yourself first too, send me an email. I can send you an invitation to join ING Direct and you too can get a $25 bonus.

Fall Back

How do you know when it's time to fall back from a relationship?

Too many times I hear people say they didn't end a situation when they should have...earlier on...before the other person cheated...before the other person admitted they were in love with their best friend (the same person you always suspected)...before the secret love letters found while doing laundry...before the missing condoms...before the 3am phone calls from "only friends"...before the coming home late or not coming home at all...before the lying began...before the snooping began...before the trust faded...before the person broke your heart.

Before all of this happens there are always signs that we should fall back and let it go...but why don't we? Why don't we use the common sense we were born with and fall back and then move on? Why can we advise our friends but when we find ourselves in the same situation we can't take our own advice? Do we stay and try to make it last because the thought of that person being with someone else or already having you replaced is more than your heart can bear?

One That Got Away

I blogged about this topic in my former life.

I found another interesting blog post on the topic:

"Have you ever Googled an ex? Have you ever wondered what happened to the first, the truest and/or the greatest love of your life?

Have you ever wanted to sit down with that person and ask: How often, if ever, do you think of me (and in what context)? Do you have any regrets? What do you think would have happened if we ended up together? Were we soul mates? If so, how could you move on to someone else so quickly, so easily and painlessly with someone else? Have you ever considered how that person would respond if and when you did contact (let’s say) her today? With dismissive laughter? A restraining order? Tears of joy?"

But I have some more questions on the topic:
- Are you the one that got away from someone...do you know it because they told you or you just feel it?

- Do you ever wonder if you are the one that got away from someone else?

- Has someone really gotten away from you if you are still able to communicate with them, see them, etc.?

- What was your reasoning for letting someone get away? Is that reasoning as valid today as when it happened?

- What if you reconnected with your one that got away and the feelings were just as strong as before but they were married, would you consider an affair? Or if your one that got away reconnected with you and you were married...would you consider an affair or even a divorce?

The one that got away is a very interesting topic to me. Because it calls in to question if you believe in the ideas of true love and soul mates and if you believe in having only one true love or soul mate.

NBA All Star Weekend

I arrived Friday morning around 4am and what did I do...go out of course. The anxiety of getting there mixed with the strip being all lit up I was ready to party.

My girls and I made a quick run to McDonalds which would be the late night eating spot every night. I told them to not feel bad about eating McDonalds this late because technically it was breakfast time on the east coast. I changed my clothes and I went over to MGM Grand just to walk around and see what was up.

My girls had been to Studio 54 earlier in the night and had gotten in to VIP thanks to Vince Young and his entourage. A little sad I missed out on that but more was yet to come.

Friday I was up and out by 11am. I hit the strip early to see what parties were going on that night and what I could get in for free or discounted. I ended up getting on the RSVP list for Pure but that night we came close but ended up some place different. For lunch I went to the buffet at Ceasar's at it wasn't that great. I think the best buffets in Las Vegas are at the Bellagio and Aladdin. Later that afternoon I got up with one of my girls from Carolina and we had a few frozen drinks and hit the tables. I spotted the Office Spouse and his crew...or I should say he spotted me...cause surely if he had kept on walking I wouldn't have noticed...that was the only sighting all weekend.

So the plan on Friday was to go to the So So Def party at Aladdin and if that wasn't popping head over to Pure. We get to Aladdin and there is a lounge in the middle of the casino and we go in there and chill for a minute. End up chilling with Chingy and his entourage. The So So Def party was wack, maybe because it was early, but we left and were headed over to Pure. Just as we were making our way to Pure a guy stops us and offers us free passes to Light. Light is one of my absolute favorite clubs in Vegas because they have 4 poles which allows a woman to let her inner stripper girl out. So we totally changed plans and headed over to Light. It was a mob scene outside of the club because Sprite was doing a promotional party for LeBron James and the release of his 3 commercials that users are supposed to vote on. Somehow we hooked up with some random white chick who seemed to know everyone at the door and we were in the club by 10:30pm. Well the Sprite party was not over and in fact was just getting started so we got up close and personal with LeBron...so close I could count the pimples on his face...he needs Proactive. We partied so hard that my feet have never, ever, ever hurt so bad.

The line to get a cab back to the hotel was ridiculous...so we chose to walk with no shoes on...at first. We got maybe a block away and a random cabby picked us up. It was the end of us his shift but he saw us struggling and picked us up. The cab ride was only $5 but we gave him $20 just because we were so thankful.

Saturday I was up and out early again, back on the strip people watching and trying to secure another party for our last night in Vegas. I got so much random free stuff on the strip...from LeBron t-shirts to a special poker chip that would get me and the girls in to a party at the Empire Ballroom for free to magazines and CD's. We went shopping, or in my case window shopping cause y'all know I hate shopping and celebrity watching. There were so many celebrities every where and they were just mixed in with us regular folks. There were honestly too many celebrities to name them all.

Saturday night we are looking cute, of course, as we waited in line to get in to LeBron's party at the Empire Ballroom. After waiting for an hour, which was an hour later than the get in free poker chip was supposed to work, someone comes out and makes an announcement that they are having sound problems but they would still honor the chip. Now there was a VIP line where people paid $150+ for advanced tickets and $300+ for VIP. I might have had to wait in line but those VIP's looked stupid paying for the same party I was getting in to for free. We partied in line and had a good time laughing, talking and of course drinking. I had never been to the Empire Ballroom before and it is actually a nice venue. We paid a security guard $20 each and was able to go in and out of the VIP area at our leisure.

It wouldn't be Vegas if someone didn't get drunk off their ass and for once that person was not me. When one of my girls came over and took a shot of a dark liquor and a light liquor me and the guys I were talking to gave each other the "she's going to be spending the evening in the bathroom" look and we were right. But her getting sick didn't ruin the night just added to the experience. When the vomiting was under control we sent her back to the casino with some random guy in a Ferrari...I know, sounds dangerous but it worked...and we stayed and partied for another hour or so.

The trip went by so fast it was like a blur but honestly I couldn't have stayed another day. I got a terrible cold and I needed a day at home just to recover before I went back to work. Las Vegas you can only take in small doses because too many days in Sin City might kill you.

All in all it was a great weekend. I met some really nice guys no matter where I was but of course no one I would keep in touch with. Saw some people I hadn't seen since graduating from school. And all in all it was exactly what I expected. It was the most black people I have ever seen in one place and that is saying a lot since I have been to Essence Fest and Bayou Classic in New Orleans as well as lived in one of the blackest cities in the USA...Atlanta. It was also women dressed like they were going to the club even though it was 1 in the afternoon. There were the GQ guys and the thug guys and just a little bit of everything in between.

But if you weren't paying attention 1st night I paid nothing to party and second night I paid nothing initially to party and then $20 to the bouncer. So I partied my ass off in Las Vegas for $20. I am so glad I didn't buy tickets in advance for any of the parties that were being advertised on the internet.

I will be going to New Orleans. I'm already making plans. I hope the NBA does All Star weekend in Vegas again, and soon before my days of travelling across country to party my ass off are over.

Birthday Wish

I can't believe my birthday is a week away. As usual I don't have anything planned. But I did make sure to take the day off so if all I want to do is sleep the day away I can.

Y'all know me...I don't want or ask for a lot. If I get something I'm always appreciative. If I don't get anything, I'm still happy to be alive and live to see another year.

But if you are wondering what to get the birthday girl I can only think of three things I want:

1. A watch
I'm tired of not knowing what time it is when I'm on the subway and I can't get the time on my cell phone because there is no service underground.

2. Earrings
I seriously need some gold earrings. If I don't start wearing some earrings again my upper holes will close. I can only wear gold earrings cause I'm allergic to everything else.

3. Digital Camera
I feel like I've missed out on capturing so many moments in my life. So despite the fact that I really do hate taking pictures I need to keep record of some of my memories.

Special request of my ATL friends, if y'all are so inclined, I would really LOVE some bottles of that wine Smoochie had at our Turkey Day dinner. And one of those nice wine openers so I don't have to sneak in to Mz. B's crib and steal hers ;)

If nothing else be sure to wish me Happy Bday on my bday.

I MUST Love This Game

Commissioner David Stern...if you are reading this...no one loves this game more than I do. For months I have been so hyped about going to Las Vegas for NBA All-Star weekend. And with one snow storm my dreams were about to be snowed under.

The original plan was to fly out to Vegas on Valentine's Day to get there before the crowds and celebrate loving me on the day of love. Thanks to the snow storm that hit NYC on V-day eve my plans were blown to hell.

Valentine's morning I was checking the status of my flight online every 10 minutes. My flight was at 12:29 and I held out until 11:00am before I finally left for the airport. Just as I pulled up to Laguardia my cell phone rings. It's an automated message from American telling me my flight was cancelled. Why didn't they call me 30 minutes ago? I could have stayed home and been on the internet and the phone figuring out how to fix my travel plans.

I stayed at the airport for 3 more hours trying to figure out how to get out on a flight that day or the next day. Everything was a bust. No flights available until Saturday night. The airline refunded my ticket and the hotel I was staying at refunded my one night stay. I sadly took the bus home, because the cab line was too long at the airport and I was ready to unpack and go back to my daily grind.

But thanks to my indescribable office spouse, he would not let me give up. There just has to be a way.

He was able to catch a flight out of Newark on Continental to Los Angeles and was going to drive with his boys to Vegas. He told me if I could get to LA I could ride with his boys to Vegas. So there was still hope.

I got home at 3pm and was on the phone and the internet for 4 hours trying to figure out how to get to L.A. or Las Vegas. Around 7:30pm a solution finally came and my Vegas adventure was about to begin. Get to Las Vegas or die trying...lol...well not die but try my hardest.

I caught a 10pm Amtrak train to BWI airport. I got to the airport around 1am and had to sleep on a bench in the airport. Luckily I brought my neck pillow with me and there were other stranded passengers in the airport so the airline gave us sodas, snacks, pillows and blankets (the skinny airline kind). By 5am I was in line and checking my bag on Southwest to LAX. My flight was supposed to leave at 9:30am with a layover in Phoenix and I would land in LA at 2:45pm. Due to flight delays I got bumped to an earlier non-stop flight that was departing at 9am. I was supposed to land in LA at 12 noon but actually landed at 11:30am. So things were starting to look up.

I caught a shuttle to the apartment of my office spouse's friend in Pasadena. Of course the office spouse (and everyone else) thinks I'm crazy on the regular but even more crazy for travelling by plane, train and automobile to get to Vegas. I had been on the go since 7:30am on Wednesday morning and it was now 1:30 Thursday afternoon or 4:30 for y'all east coast folks. The office spouse said it was time for me to chill and relax after all I went through. So we went and got some lunch and sat outside and enjoyed the weather. Eating lunch outside, in the sun, in the middle of February. ONLY on the west coast. After lunch I took a shower, handled some business on the internet and took a nap. My journey was almost complete.

By about 11:30pm (2:30am EST) we were on the road to Vegas. I arrived at the casino I was staying at about 4am and that is when the real adventure began.

I think this blog is long enough so you'll have to wait for part two. But I gotta close with some thank you's and shout outs.

Commissioner Stern - after reading my adventure if this does not prove that I love this game I don't know what else does. For my effort I should get tickets to all the NBA All-Star festivities in New Orleans next year.

Office Spouse - What would I do without you? This weekend would have never been able to go down without you.

MC - thanks for letting me crash on the Wash U couch and for letting me get comfortable in your crib like it was my own home.

Story - Next time you are on the right coast I promise to take you anywhere you want to go.

All the people I met on the train, in the airports, on the planes - thanks for adding to the adventure. Everyone has a story to tell and y'all each added to mine (although too many side tales to add to this blog).